Living -- 4 Hours At A Time! (Terminally = ill - follow my journey...to LIVE!)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Chronic=20 Pain Alters Brain Activity

Hello=20 all;

This was = on my news=20 station last night, and I wrote to them to find out the source, which = they sent=20 me. On the news story, they showed an actual EEG (electroencephalogram) = which=20 showed the brain ALWAYS being busy, even when sleeping. It is the body = and the=20 subconscious trying to adapt to the pain. This causes exhaustion, = depression,=20 forgetfulness, lack of concentration, and sensitivity to extremes of = hot, cold,=20 noise, light, crowds, extended physical activity, and emotional stress. = It wears=20 on your nerves and makes everything else in life MUCH more difficult = than it is=20 for a healthy person. Another proof that "If you have your health, you = have=20 everything", because when you are healthy, you can work yourself out of = any=20 problem, and can accomplish almost anything you want. I have wondered = why I have=20 changed so much, in so many ways, I guess this explains it. I saw other = articles=20 about actual brain damage from pain, because the brain cells that stay = active=20 24/7 for years eventually burn themselves out. Now I see why I can't do = as much=20 as I used to and why I need more help just for daily living.=20

You're = all in my=20 prayers.

Bluebirdy

Chronic pain seen altering how = brain works=20

CHICAGO (Reuters) =E2=80=93 Brain scans of people in chronic pain = show a state of=20 constant activity in areas that should be at rest, U.S. researchers said = on=20 Tuesday, a finding that could help explain why pain patients have higher = rates=20 of exhaustion, lack of concentration (often called pain fog), = depression,=20 anxiety and other disorders. They said chronic pain seems to alter the = way=20 people process information that is unrelated to pain.

Chronic = Pain Harms=20 Brain's Wiring

FRIDAY, Feb. 8 (HealthDay News) -- Chronic pain can disrupt brain = function=20 and cause problems such as disturbed sleep, depression, anxiety and = difficulty=20 making simple decisions, a U.S. study finds.

Researchers at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine = in=20 Chicago used functional MRI to scan brain activity in people with = chronic low=20 back pain while they tracked a moving bar on a computer screen. They did = the=20 same thing with a control group of people with no pain.

In those with no pain, the brain regions displayed a state of = equilibrium.=20 When one region was active, the other regions calmed down. But in people = with=20 chronic pain, the front region of the cortex mostly associated with = emotion=20 "never shuts up," study author Dante Chialvo, an associate research = professor of=20 physiology, said in a prepared statement.

This region remains highly active, which wears out neurons and alters = their=20 connections to each other. This constant firing of neurons could cause = permanent=20 damage.

"We know when neurons fire too much they may change their connections = with=20 other neurons or even die, because they can't sustain high activity for = so=20 long," Chialvo said.

"If you are a chronic pain patient, you have pain 24 hours a day, = seven days=20 a week, every minute of your life. That permanent perception of pain in = your=20 brain makes these areas in your brain continuously active. This = continuous=20 dysfunction in the equilibrium of the brain can change the wiring = forever and=20 could hurt the brain," Chialvo explained.

These changes "may make it harder for you to make a decision or be in = a good=20 mood to get up in the morning. It could be that pain produces depression = and the=20 other reported abnormalities, because it disturbs the balance of the = brain as a=20 whole," he said.

The study was published in the Feb. 6 issue of The Journal of=20 Neuroscience.

Chialvo said the findings show that, along with finding new ways to = treat=20 pain, it's also important to develop methods to evaluate and prevent = disruption=20 of brain function caused by chronic pain.

More information

The American Academy of Family Physicians has more about chronic pain.

Sources:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/health/20080206-0500-health.html

http://www.marshallnewsmessenger.com/health/c= ontent/shared-auto/healthnews/brai/612365.html

Blessings, = Sheila=20 W

More=20 laws against the Obese???

Do we = really want a=20 law telling us where we can and can't eat? This is as prejudiced as the = "whites=20 only" restaurants of 60 years ago!

=20 Look at THIS! This is INSANE! Mississippi is hoping to pass a law that = says no=20 restaurant can serve a person who is obese! NO JOKE! Food is = not an=20 item you can just do without, like alcohol or smoking. Even the obese = need food=20 each day. Please look at this proposed law, and if you live in the USA,=20 consider signing the petition. If this law passes, what other = freedoms can=20 be dictayed by law? Bathroom breaks? Breathing? Eating is just as = personal as=20 these other things.

http://www.diet.com/petition/<= BR>Blessings,

Bluebirdy

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Illness=20 As A Calling Or Mission

=20

I have = been=20 completely useless/helpless for almost a month. Its times like this that = I worry=20 how life will be when my husband gets here and I am this sick. I have = not been=20 able to get dressed/ showered etc. except once a week or so for about a = month.=20 The pain has gotten worse and I can't get my meds changed until my doc = comes=20 back in 6 months. I have also had vertigo, where I feel like I am = spinning all=20 the time. Hard to walk around or read or watch TV or to be on the = computer for=20 very long, it causes nausea and exhaustion and is hard on the nerves = trying to=20 stabilize myself all the time. I pretty much just spend a lot of time = laying=20 with my eyes closed. I am still spinning but at least everything that I = am=20 looking at isn't spinning with me when my eyes are closed. This has left = a lot=20 of time for thinking, and praying, and for listening to the answers to=20 prayer.

Usually = the=20 answers to prayer go through my head, moving so fast that I can't stop = them to=20 complete the thought or write them down for future reference. Its really = frustrating. Then the next time I get worried about the same thing, I = can't=20 remember the answer to prayer I got last time, and have to go through = the same=20 anxiety and thought process each time. During this time that I HAD to = slow down=20 and listen, as the scripture says "Be still and know that I am". I was = able to=20 finish some thought and write them down, so when I have the same = anxieties in=20 the future, I can go to those notes and find comfort, because I know = they were=20 inspired and from the Holy Spirit.

The = fears came=20 from being too tired and overwhelmed, and that's when Satan works on us = hardest,=20 when we are too weak to fight. So he causes fear and doubt and anxiety. = I=20 sometimes wondered if it was God giving me these doubts an fears so that = I would=20 change what I am doing, but the scriptures say: "For God hath not given = us a=20 spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."=20

Then I = pray, and=20 fear and confusion is replaced with order and courage and reason. I = would=20 apologize to the Lord for praying about the same problem again and again = and not=20 remembering what the answers were last time. Thankfully, I know the Lord = knows=20 that pain and other symptoms from these diseases cause memory problems, = so I'm=20 sure the Lord understood my inability to remember His answers whenever I = was in=20 too much pain to think. He knows more about this disease and this body = than I=20 do. He knows my limitations, and He doesn't get angry at me for=20 them.

Chronic = pain and=20 illness changes every aspect of your life and personality. It's = overwhelming. I=20 believe God gives us overwhelming things so that = we will=20 seek His strength, because when we ask for His help, we do better than = we could=20 have done on our own, even if we were healthy.

No it = is not=20 wrong to want to be healed. I think that lots of people are given an = illness so=20 that a LOT of people can see just how sick they were, so that when God = heals=20 them, people will know it was a true miracle, not just a matter of the = person=20 thinking he was sick, then thinking he is well.

One = thing I have=20 learned is that you have to laugh at yourself sometimes. If you don't, = you will=20 make the symptoms and brain fog worse. The more you stress about your = condition,=20 the worse it gets. If you accept that this is what God has chosen for = your path=20 right now, and that it might be temporary... (or might not), it has a = purpose!=20 Just one of many reasons might be to learn some lessons from. It might = be to=20 teach others who know you some lessons. Then when you put the mustard in = the=20 dryer and your sock in the fridge, you have to just laugh and think "Oh = well."=20 Everyone does things like that when overstressed, we just do it more = often.=20 Please stop expecting perfection from yourself. Allow yourself to rest = when you=20 need to, watch lots of funny movies, laughter is the best medicine. = Write a list=20 of things that make you smile when you think of them. Write a list of = things=20 that relax you. A bath, sitting on the grass at the park, listening to a = certain=20 album, making a craft or working on a hobby, singing, exercising, = dancing,=20 hearing the laughter of children, etc.

One = little book=20 that has saved me from a nervous breakdown time and time again (and my = husband=20 too) is called "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It shows you how to = lighten up on=20 yourself and accept yourself, and have less stress. It helps you realize = different ways that you might be thinking, and how to change the = destructive=20 ways of thinking.

Remember that the=20 more angry you get, the worse the symptoms will get, so you need to = laugh and=20 find ways to relax, and find new, achievable goals, and new ways to = enjoy=20 yourself. The more you can smile and relax, things will get easier, you = will be=20 easier to be around, you will learn whatever lessons you need to, and = then maybe=20 the Lord will heal you and allow you to move on to the next lesson in = life. If=20 you get stuck in your anger and frustration, and you don't learn from = your=20 situation, then you won't be able to heal or be able to move on to the = next life=20 lesson.

If the = Lord's=20 plan is to not heal you, then you can still learn wisdom from your = experiences,=20 and help others with that wisdom. "ALL things work for good for those = who love=20 the Lord."

Another = thing I=20 was told in an NDE...I was VERY angry and told the spirit who was = speaking to me=20 that I was, and that I not willing to live if I couldn't even help the = Lord, and=20 I was completely useless in this condition. The spirit told me that even = though=20 I didn't understand it, I WAS serving the Lord through my illness, and = that I=20 would just have to trust his word on it. Illness takes you out of the = world and=20 closer to God.

Whenever you=20 pray, listen for answers. When you are relaxing, listen for the Holy = Spirit to=20 whisper to you. It takes practice, but it does come. Here are some of = the=20 inspirations I have received, so strongly that I could not deny that = they were=20 divine. They might mean nothing to you, because they were meant for the = frame of=20 mind I was in at each certain time, or they might really hit home, too. = I=20 printed them off onto paper and put them on my wall beside my bed, so = when I am=20 laying down, I can read them, and remember that God has become so close = that He=20 knows my problems, and is guiding me through them. Comments in brackets = are my=20 own added comments.

1) Do = not become=20 the candle that gives light to others, but itself remains in darkness. = (One who=20 counsels others but does not take his own advice, or one who preaches of = the=20 light of God but does not have it himself.) Do not follow the desires of = your=20 lower self. Should the Lord wish, He Himself will pick you out and = prompt you to=20 be a source of guidance. He himself shall endow you with the inner = strength to=20 endure the changes of fortune and will instill within you infinite = wisdom.=20

-Abdul=20 Jillani

2)Trust = in the=20 Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In = all thy=20 ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Prov=20 3:5-6

3) He = has ALWAYS=20 helped you find answers that you did not even know existed. Do not doubt = Him!=20 Like the story of Thomas walking on water with Jesus, walk on the water = with The=20 Lord, as He asks for your hand. Do not doubt and sink below the stormy = waves.=20 But if you do doubt and sink below the waves, reach for his hand again, = imagine=20 looking into His eyes, and He will lift you out of the=20 water.

4) Be = Joyful in=20 hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Rom=20 12:12

5) This = illness=20 might actually be a calling. One that will teach me and others around me = many=20 lessons. Lessons that will be worth the suffering, and that can not be = learned=20 in any other way.

6) If = He brings=20 you to it, He will bring you through it. He will also prepare you for = it. You=20 may see something that is going to happen in the future that you just = don't=20 think you can bear; but you may learn and grow between now and then; and = when=20 and if that feared even happens, you will be better equipped to handle = it.=20

7) Now = is the=20 season to know that everything you do is sacred. Do not doubt the = mystery that=20 God is leading you through. It is greater than you understand.=20

"For I = know the=20 plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not = to harm=20 you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

Jer.=20 29:11.

So = everything=20 that happens to you is for a purpose, and He will NEVER leave you nor = forsake=20 you. If God seems as if He Has gotten farther away, who is the one who = moved?=20 Not Him. Trust His love for you. Trust that He thought you were strong = enough=20 for this "calling" or "mission". Even when you think He has = overestimated your=20 strength, you can still call on Him for comfort and strength and=20 wisdom.=20

Blessings,=20 Bluebirdy

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Why=20 U.S. doctors won't cure anyone

It is difficult to = get people=20 to understand something when their salary depends upon them not = understanding=20 it.
- Upton Sinclair, 1878-1968

Why they won't = even research=20 an illness for a patient:

"You can lead a = man to=20 knowledge,
but you can't make him think "

Just quotes to=20 think about. The countries that have socialized medicine are the ones = making all=20 the progress in cures, and countries that are too poor to have decent = health=20 care also are more willing to find cures for people. The USA does not = really=20 look for cures, because if there was a cure for diabetes or cancer or = other=20 common illnesses, it would put too many people out of work and would = destroy the=20 economy. I know a woman who is quite wealthy and her life revolves = around=20 "Charity dinners". She has told me herself that when they raise money = for breast=20 cancer or autism etc., about 10% goes to the research part, the rest = goes=20 towards planning more fancy dinners for rich contributors. Its a social = club=20 using the name of suffering people and diseases to enjoy their = privileged=20 lifestyle and their $500 a plate dinners.

Vidal Sassoon's wife had = lupus. When I=20 was modeling I got an invitation to attend a dinner for lupus for $600 a = plate.=20 Since I also have lupus, I was wishing I could get to California for the = dinner,=20 but now that I learn where the money goes, I didn't miss=20 much.

Blessings, =

Penlady

Saturday, February 2, 2008

RESPONSES=20 TO NY TIMES FIBRO NEWS ARTICLE

To those = who read my=20 post about the NY Times posting a very outdated and incorrect report = about=20 fibromyalgia, here is a follow-up article that includes some of the = letters that=20 were sent in response to that article.

http://www.fmaware.org/site/News2?page=3DNewsArticle&id=3D6835=

Blessings!

You-Know-Who. lol.=20

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

UK=20 Doctors Say Don't Treat Old Or Unhealthy

UK=20 Doctors Say Don't Treat Old Or Unhealthy

From the UK's Telegraph:

Don't treat the old and unhealthy, say doctors

By Laura Donnelly, Health Correspondent

26/01/2008

Doctors are calling for NHS treatment to be withheld from = patients who=20 are too old or who lead unhealthy lives.

Smokers, heavy drinkers, the obese and the elderly should be = barred from=20 receiving some operations, according to doctors, with most saying = the health=20 service cannot afford to provide free care to everyone.

=C2=A31.7 billion is spent treating diseases caused by smoking, = such as lung=20 cancer and emphysema

Fertility treatment and "social" abortions are also on the list = of=20 procedures that many doctors say should not be funded by the state. =

The findings of a survey conducted by Doctor magazine sparked a = fierce=20 row last night, with the British Medical Association and campaign = groups=20 describing the recommendations from family and hospital doctors as=20 "outrageous" and "disgraceful".

About one in 10 hospitals already deny some surgery to obese = patients=20 and smokers, with restrictions most common in hospitals battling = debt.=20

Managers defend the policies because of the higher risk of = complications=20 on the operating table for unfit patients. But critics believe that = patients=20 are being denied care simply to save money.

The Government announced plans last week to offer fat people = cash=20 incentives to diet and exercise as part of a desperate strategy to = steer=20 Britain off a course that will otherwise see half the population = dangerously=20 overweight by 2050.

Obesity costs the British taxpayer =C2=A37 billion a year. = Overweight people=20 are more likely to contract diabetes, cancer and heart disease, and = to=20 require replacement joints or stomach-stapling operations.

Meanwhile, =C2=A31.7 billion is spent treating diseases caused = by smoking,=20 such as lung cancer, bronchitis and emphysema, with a similar sum = spent by=20 the NHS on alcohol problems. Cases of cirrhosis have tripled over = the past=20 decade.

Among the survey of 870 family and hospital doctors, almost 60 = per cent=20 said the NHS could not provide full healthcare to everyone and that = some=20 individuals should pay for services.

One in three said that elderly patients should not be given free = treatment if it were unlikely to do them good for long. Half thought = that=20 smokers should be denied a heart bypass, while a quarter believed = that the=20 obese should be denied hip replacements=E2=80=A6

Gordon Brown promised this month that a new NHS constitution = would set=20 out people's "responsibilities" as well as their rights, a move = interpreted=20 as meaning restrictions on patients who bring health problems = on=20 themselves=E2=80=A6

The survey found that medical professionals wanted to go much = further in=20 denying care to patients who do not look after their bodies.

Ninety-four per cent said that an alcoholic who refused to stop = drinking=20 should not be allowed a liver transplant, while one in five said = taxpayers=20 should not pay for "social abortions" and fertility treatment.

Paul Mason, a GP in Portland, Dorset, said there were good = clinical=20 reasons for denying surgery to some patients. "The issue is: how = much=20 responsibility do people take for their health?" he = said=E2=80=A6

The shape of things to come."

     I think Canada is acting worse than = the UK but=20 they are not saying it publicly or they would have a riot on their = hands. I=20 don't smoke, drink and I am overweight but not dangerously obese. A = few months=20 ago my province passed a law that overweight people will have to pay = for their=20 own surgeries. My health problems are not due to my lifestyle or = anything that=20 I did. The article above talks about unhealthy habits, yet I have = been=20 told that I can't get any more tests or treatment, just enough to keep = me=20 comfortable until I die. I need to look for another pain Dr. ASAP = because my=20 Dr. is losing it mentally and will be forced to step down or will = retire, then=20 I will not be able to move without my pain medicine. I talked to my = pharmacist=20 who has always helped me more than any Dr. and he said he doesn't even = know=20 any doctors who will help with chronic pain the way I have been = getting help,=20 so I am praying to be led to the right Dr.

   =20 Back to the idea of not getting proper treatment, Mom is not able to = get=20 treatment anymore either. That week of going to the hospital every day = and=20 waiting 8+ hours then her getting sent home again was probably the = unspoken=20 avoidance of the Dr. They have been told not to waste gov't = money on the=20 elderly or sick, and maybe they will even get in trouble for doing so, = so that=20 might have been his way of avoiding a way to treat mom. =

   One Dr.=20 told me that they just hope I die so they won't have to pay me = disability=20 anymore, and I say that doesn't make sense. Why not offer enough = treatment to=20 help me be able to work? Most of us on disability WANT to get feeling = better=20 and WANT to work! Not being useful is terribly=20 discouraging.

The = moment they let=20 me die from neglect, there will be others who get onto disability = within=20 seconds, so they will still be paying disability for someone, whether = its me=20 or someone else, so why make us so disposable? They are not saving = money by=20 letting people die so young.

New word = for the day=20 FRUSTIPATION!!

   I=20 called to get my pain medicine refilled, and my Dr. had messed up my=20 prescription. He told me to take 2 a day, but didn't write those new=20 instructions on the prescription, so the pharmacy thinks I'm supposed = to only=20 take 1 a day, so I can't get them refilled for weeks yet.=20

When in = July that=20 Dr. told me I have 1 year to live, he must have been prophesying=20 something that I didn't know yet, that my treatment would be cut off = so I=20 might not live very long. SOOO FRUSTIPATING! If I am dying, it will be = alone=20 and in horrible pain, unable to get any help or treatment, so I will = be a=20 burden to my sick mom and brother. Not what I pictured for the end of = my life=20 at all.

Bluebirdy

Thursday, January 24, 2008

NEW=20 HOPE IN LUPUS RESEARCH FOUND

Two articles that might give you some hope. http://www.news-medical.= net/?id=3D33556=20 AND = http://story.100.com/?rid=3D12314224&cat=3Da1e025da3c02ca7c=20 Maybe there will be a cure in my lifetime yet, if they are finding the = damaged=20 gene (#13 by the way), and now finding a mutated gene that stops lupus! = I am=20 PAST ready....and waiting for a cure or a kind Dr. who will help with = treatment,=20 or for a release from this prison of a body! Sorry to not sound so = upbeat and=20 positive, but intense pain and weakness saps the ability to reason = clearly or=20 think positively. If I had someone around to help me change my thoughts, = it=20 would be great, but I don't...so I just keep praying. Blessings, = Bluebirdy

Monday, January 21, 2008

One=20 Purpose For Illness

written to = a male=20 internet friend with Fibro:

C---;

I=20 have had a number of near death experiences, and I actually fought with = the=20 spirit that was talking to me on my first near death experience and told = him I=20 would not go back to earth until I got some answers. He said "What do = you want=20 to know?" and I sat down and he answered questions for so long that it = filled 7=20 large pages when I woke up and wrote it all down before I forgot it. I = said "I=20 can't even serve the Lord in that kind of body. What good am I down = there? I=20 can't even complete the reason I was put on earth." The spirit told me = that pain=20 and illness keep us away from rich, shallow, selfish people, keeps us = out of the=20 world, and makes us closer to God. The lessons we learn from being sick, = from=20 communing with God through prayer when we are suffering, are priceless, = and=20 can't be learned any other way. I wouldn't give up that knowledge or = that=20 feeling of love and security for anything. Life is just a short 3 hour = movie=20 compared to the eternity that was before earth life and the eternity = that will=20 be after earth life. "Be still, and know that I am" was one of the first = things=20 I was told through inspiration, when I was 16. I was so hyper, and could = have=20 taken on the world, but I would have been more worldly instead of = spiritual.=20 Whenever the Lord needed me to slow down and listen, He slowed me down. = Now I'm=20 at a complete halt and I watch the world spin around me, but others come = to me=20 and tell me things they would not tell anyone else, because they know = that I am=20 one of their few friends that understands what suffering is. I know men = don't=20 talk to other men about weaknesses and suffering, but if anyone did need = someone=20 to talk to, I bet they would choose you to come talk to, because they = know you=20 would not judge them for having a weakness. I was told that even if I = eventually=20 became bedridden, that the Lord would find ways to send people to me to = help.=20 That was in 1979 or so, before there was even such a thing as a = home=20 computer or the internet. Now I am bedridden, and I can share the Lord's = love=20 with people from all corners of the earth all in one day. Even a rich, = healthy=20 person can't do that without the internet!

We=20 are internet disciples. We are healing souls, helping people, one person = at a=20 time. Some have the mission of speaking to stadiums of thousands at a = time, some=20 have the calling of reaching thousands of people, one at a time. Then = that=20 person passes love and wisdom on to another person, and when we get to = the other=20 side, we will see all the people we were able to help from our bed our = couch,=20 through the ripple effect.

=20 There is a purpose for being ill. We are a tool in the Lord's = hands, even=20 if we are a weak tool. We don't have to be perfect, we just have to be = willing,=20 and we will be more useful to the Lord than the 95% or so of the world = that are=20 not willing to help the Lord; that want to live for their own pleasure = only.=20

When I joined the online fibro support = group, I=20 couldn't believe how every one of them was spiritual, compassionate, and = had=20 many other personality traits in common. I wondered if a certain = personality=20 type was prone to getting fibro, or if the fibro created that = personality type.=20 It is both. Surveys have shown that people with lupus, fibro and CFS are = usually=20 type A, driven, perfectionistic, which makes their illness even more=20 frustrating, but the fibro does change them into type B, imperfect,=20 non-demanding, calmer and more spiritual....if they let it. You can let = the=20 disease make you better, or bitter. Life is just too hard to live it = being=20 bitter...so I let the Lord help carry my load, and life is better. The = social=20 part of this disease is so very tough. Tougher than the pain sometimes. = It's=20 quite a trial.

Maybe you already read my post about = the Dr. who=20 wrote a very wrong and cruel report about fibro in the New York Times, = and I was=20 asking people to write to the Editor and tell them that the Dr. is all = wrong and=20 behind the times in what they have learned about fibro. If you didn't = read it,=20 would you please go to my blog and read the first and second entries?=20

=20 Blessings to you !!!

(=C2=A8`=C2=B7.=C2=B7=C2=B4=C2=A8)=20
`=C2=B7.=C2=B8(=C2=A8`=C2=B7.=C2=B7=C2=B4=C2=A8) =
(=C2=A8`=C2=B7.=C2=B7=C2=B4=C2=A8)=C2=B8.=C2=B7=C2=B4 =
`=C2=B7.=C2=B8.=C2=B7=C2=B4 =20 Bluebirdy

I try to = take one day=20 at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at = once.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For I know the = plans I have=20 for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm = you,=20 plans to give you
hope and a future. " Jer.=20 29:11.

Friday, January 18, 2008

BRAIN=20 SCANS--PROOF OF REAL DISEASE IN FIBROMYALGIA AND CFS (CHRONIC FATIGUE=20 SYNDROME)

3D""=20 >>means "new = paragraph=20 starts here". I still don't know how to make my posts separate into = paragraphs=20 if I type them at the blog website. It will only separate into = paragraphs if I=20 send it from my email program. >>The=20 captions in the above picture: >>Below=20 the first set of brains, it says "Scans of a normal brain and the brain = of a=20 fibromyalgia patient" >>Below the=20 second set of brains it says "Scans of a normal brain and the brain of a = CFS=20 (chronic fatigue syndrome) brain. >>The colored areas represent areas of = the brain=20 that are active and helping the body and brain to function at full = potential. In=20 the diseased brains, there is less activity, so our bodies do not = function as=20 well, they do not do what we want them to do, and this really accounts = for the=20 brain fog, or fibro fog, where we get forgetful and can't concentrate on = anything very well and make a lot of mistakes. >>If you want=20 to look at that picture more closely, left click on the picture and it = will=20 enlarge. >>See? There is a DEFINITE disease, a = DEFINITE=20 difference between a healthy functioning body, and a the way our brain = makes us=20 function if we have fibro or CFS. This test alone should prove there is = a common=20 denominator, a place to start with the research to treat this disease. = It also=20 proves it is NOT just a person complaining too much, as the New York = Times=20 insinuated today (see next post below) >>I = got it from=20 a site that no longer exists, the website address is at the top of the = picture,=20 but it is no longer a used website. I got it more than 12 years ago, = whent the=20 internet first started, so if the medical world had information about = these=20 conditions, I wonder why it was not publicized more and why more has not = been=20 done. I know that in Canada its almost impossible to find a Dr. with = enough time=20 or compassion to research or treat difficult cases. They are even = telling us=20 which diseases or conditions they refuse to treat, and its so difficult = to get=20 another Dr, the patients can't complain. So if my Dr. refuses to treat = rashes or=20 kidney problems, then if I develop those problems, I am on my own, = because I=20 can't find another Dr. One lady told me she thinks even Mexico has = better=20 treatment in the hospitals than what I have been experiencing here. =

>>I, like many or most lupus = patients,=20 have fibromyalgia on top of lupus, (and 7 other serious conditions which = lupus=20 caused) and I have been studying about it so much that I feel like I = could teach=20 the researchers a lot!! It affects the nerves, muscles, connective = tissue, the=20 parathyroid, which controls every chemical in your body and brain,and = all=20 "cycles" of your body such as when you wake and sleep, get hungry or = not, run=20 out of energy or get invigorated. Everything in our body goes in cycles, = and the=20 parathyroid helps regulate those cycles. Certain chemicals are released = at=20 certain times during the day to digest food, other chemicals to make you = sleepy=20 or stimulated, others to make you relieve yourself in the bathroom at = certain=20 times, and all those things are affected in fibromyalgia. Its not just = sore=20 muscles. Its a horrid epidemic of a disease. The medical world likes to = blame=20 the patient when they can't find the answer. They forget that even = diabetes used=20 to be classed as a form of insanity before they found the cause and test = for it!=20 There is definitely something wrong, they just have not found the test = or the=20 done enough research. It takes the average of 11 years for a person to = be=20 diagnosed with these "invisible illnesses" such as lupus, CFS or fibro. = Before=20 diagnosis, people are thought of as fakers, lazy, hypochondriacs, = neurotic,=20 anything the Dr. can blame on the patient. The patient's family and even = the=20 patient can start to doubt themselves and wonder what they are doing to=20 themselves. I suggest a book I call my "Fibro bible". Its a book written = by a=20 Dr. who has fibro. Its called "Fibromyalgia and Myofascial Pain = Syndrome" by=20 Devin Starlanyl. She names every possible symptom and why it happens, = and has=20 chapters about how to manage almost every part of your life while living = with=20 this disease. I bought mine used online because its expensive, because = its=20 almost like a textbook. You can buy it used at http://www.half.com/, http://www.ebay.com/, http://www.alibris.com/, http://www.amazon.com/ , and I'm = sure there=20 are other used bookstores online as well.

Blessings,

Bluebirdy

Please=20 help change people's opinion of Fibro!

Hi=20 gang;

I get=20 the newsletter from the American Pain Foundation. Just now I got = an=20 alert that they need everyone's help that has fibro. It seems that = some big=20 wig Dr. wrote an article in the New York times saying that people with = fibro=20 are just complainers who won't deal with the aches and pains everyone = has=20 (which is also exactly what my rheumatologist told me...I almost = kicked him so=20 he could feel my pain)lol... and the article goes on to say....well = I'm=20 getting ahead of myself here. I am just going to copy the letter, and = I ask=20 you to use the sources below to write your own short note to New=20 York Times to try to undo the damage that Dr. may have done, = and to=20 teach others about fibro and what it really is like to live with it. = The=20 colored sentences are clickable links so you can see the actual = article and=20 instructions on how to contact the editor or New York Times, which = goes world=20 wide! Here's the alert I got:

Blessings=20

Bluebirdy

Media = Alert =20

Dear APF Advocates,

This week, there has been much controversial = media=20 coverage on fibromyalgia and chronic pain. The New York = Times=20 published an article, Drug Approved. Is Disease=20 Real?, which questioned the validity of = fibromyalgia and=20 chronic pain itself. The = article=20 suggested that the pain of fibromyalgia is a case of people = who "obsess=20 over aches that other people simply tolerate," and that the pain is = just a=20 "physical response to stress, depression, and economic and social=20 anxiety." This is an = extreme and=20 harmful mischaracterization of the reality of pain.

See Background Information = and Additional=20 Media Coverage

The public and the media need to hear from=20 you! whether you are a person with pain or someone = who cares=20 for or treats people with pain. APF is dedicated to raising awareness = of=20 fibromyalgia and other painful conditions and the fact that people = in pain=20 have a right to timely, appropriate pain care.

Please Take Action NOW: = Write a=20 Letter to the Editor of The New York=20 Times.

Thank you for=20 advocating for people with pain. =20 Together, we will make a difference!

Best=20 regards,
The = American Pain=20 Foundation

Thursday, January 10, 2008

WE=20 GOT ANOTHER MIRACLE!!!

Hello=20 all! THANKYOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS! ~WE GOT=20 ANOTHER MIRACLE!! We went to the hospital and instead of admitting Mom, = they=20 sent her to the outpatient clinic first, where they kept us for 7 hours, = the=20 nurse acted like she was on drugs, kept carrying messages from Mom back = to the=20 Dr. who was doing scopes on people, then we would get his opinion back = that way,=20 and she kept messing up the messages, didn't understand anything we = said, we=20 repeated things up to 6 times, I finally went unconscious from my blood = sugar=20 going too low from lack of food or water and all the stress, so they = some=20 glucose to bring me around. (And mom was the one there to be treated.=20 Gosh...what a joke, me trying to care for HER.) She is able to do some = shopping=20 and clean house a bit (do a LOT more than me), and she can get medical = care=20 anytime so she's less apt to die than me. Anyway we got so tired and in = pain and=20 frustrated after 7 hours of this carrying messages back and forth and no = Dr.=20 seeing mom, no admitting to hospital like she was told was supposed to = happen,=20 no test, nothing...so we walked out. It was=20 a tough day but WORTH IT cuz mom won't be having surgery = soon!=20 Today=20 we start over again and I take her out of town AGAIN (did this day = before=20 yesterday) to the Dr. and hospital there...BUT THIS MEANS THE SURGERY = WILL BE=20 DELAYED!!!---Which means she will be alive for a while which means I = won't be=20 homeless. They don't do surgery in this little town I take her to see = her Dr.=20 at Now if=20 she can delay this surgery until my husband gets home, he can earn = enough that=20 we can continue renting the house we are in now, if anything happens to = Mom. Or=20 if the Lord can delay the surgery until other living arrangements are = made for=20 me (in case my husband doesn't come back from the war zone), that would = be a=20 wonderful gift from the lord too. Got to=20 drag my painful body to put all mom's luggage in the car again. (Why am = I doing=20 this when she can do it and is healthier than me and doesn't use a = walker and=20 doesn't have any muscle pain at all?) ---yeah...cuz I'm the obedient = daughter=20 that is grateful for all the years she cared for me. My brothers and = sister have=20 all told me they are really worried that I will die before Mom, because = she has=20 been served and waited on for 30 years, and I have served and waited on = my first=20 hubby and now mom until my body is falling apart. = In=20 July when that Dr. told me I would only live for 1 year...on days like=20 yesterday, I sure feel like its true, but I won't believe any human. God = decides=20 when I go, not man, and I have things to do yet. I hope to be here for = the=20 second coming. lol. Now I have to start looking = into getting=20 help for myself, like some cyber-friends have been urging me to do, = (been=20 trhying for 10 years but got to keep trying)...to go to the top if I = have=20 to...but have not had enough strength for that either. I can only do a = little=20 bit of functioning each day. I wish I could afford to hire a secretary = for all=20 my taxes, the legal work to get my hubby home, and now to get help for = myself. I=20 have not even had a minute or the strength to get gifts mailed out yet.=20 grrrrrrrr! Wow, = such a=20 faith building experience. Now if I could just keep remembering that he = is=20 taking care of us and will even make miracles for us! It is hard for me = to=20 believe that everything will be OK, because even though I put everything = into=20 God's hands, he HAS let some very awful things happen, because that's = what life=20 is all about...so even though in my heart I know God is in control...I = am always=20 afraid of how hard the next "test" is going to be and if I am up to the=20 challenge. See? = I told you=20 that whenever myu cyber friends pray for me, I feel it, and THINGS = HAPPEN! I=20 know the Lord hears the prayers of this group. I have never found so = many=20 sincerely faith filled people in one place. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU = for your=20 prayers! Love=20 you all!=20 Bluebirdy P.S. = Though I=20 cried and prayed half the night from the pain, hurting too much to even = get up=20 to get my medicine, hurting too much to get back to the hospital (where = they=20 wouldn't do much anyway), TODAY I DON'T HAVE MUCH PAIN! I am ready to = help Mom=20 again!!! Usually it takes me a few days to be functional after 2 days of = running=20 around like I just had. Yeah I will be hurting when I get back from out = of town=20 again, but that's ok if God helps me recover quickly like this time! Oh = Lord=20 please help me remember that you love me and are helping me and will = continue to=20 help me!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Like=20 A Lamb To The Slaughter?

Oh=20 help. Just weeks after Dad's death, and all I have had time to do is to = take mom=20 to the Dr, and E.R. and hospital and stay with her at the hospital, then = in=20 between I collapse in pain. I have not even had a chance to get my = family's=20 Christmas boxes sent out!

= I took mom=20 out of town to the Dr. today. I still feel so alone in these = crisises. I=20 know God is here but I need PHYSICAL help. My brother who = lives here=20 has his own=20 physical/mental problems and is not able to help, other brother and = sister=20 live hundreds of miles away and that brother works too much to come = even to=20 the funerals.

    Mom=20 will be admitted to the hospital in the morning before 9 a.m. In = about 3=20 days she will have the surgery that the doctors kept warning her she = will not=20 live through. I feel like I am carrying my mom into the place of her = murder. It=20 feels like she has accepted the surgery as a way to go be with Dad and = that way=20 it won't be considered suicide. If she dies, I will be homeless. I = have=20 tried for years to get into cheaper housing that is sponsored by the=20 government.My disability will not cover the price of moving or = the=20 price of an apartment. If she lives, I do not have the strength to = take=20 care of a surgery patient, or we will both be in the hospital within a = day. What=20 a messy crisis.

    I=20 also saw a Dr. today that was on call for my Dr. who is gone for 6=20 months. No Dr. will take responsibility for me while my Dr. is = away, (they=20 say I'm too 'complicated') so mom is getting medical care, but no matter = how bad=20 I get physically or emotionally as I try to care for her or if she dies, = I don't=20 get any help. Feels like I will die of pain/lupus and other = problems before=20 Mom dies, because she CAN get all the medical help she needs. Maybe in = July the=20 Dr. that told me I only had a year to live knew something more than I=20 do.

   Thanks for caring, you friends who do care and = have been=20 so supportive. Please pray for strength for my brother and I to bear our = illnesses, mom's illness and surgery and maybe death, and the period = after of=20 taking care of her estate and trying to find a place to live so I won't = be=20 homeless.

Blessings,

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 8:14=20 PM 2=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 depression, faith,=20 fibromyalgia, hospital, lupus,=20 medical system, pain,=20 parents, prayer

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Drama,=20 Drama, Always More Drama!

Three=20 days ago I woke up in so much pain I didn't know how I would finish the = urgent=20 things that need done. I was considering going to the hospital. I = finally got=20 upstairs and Mom was also very sick and needed an ambulance, so I helped = her get=20 ready to go in the ambulance and went to be her advocate (if you don't = take=20 someone with you to this hospital, they neglect you.) I was glad to do = it but=20 wishing I had someone to take me to the E.R. They=20 sent her home and told her to go back the next day if she still didn't = have a=20 BM. Today is one month from the day Dad died, and today I was sick = enough for=20 the hospital again, but again Mom needed to go, so I took her, and they = admitted=20 her. This time though, I asked at the front desk if there was any way if = I could=20 sign myself in, but be seen in my Mom's room, instead of being separated = in my=20 own bed for many many hours. Usually they won't let me be with Mom if I = ask=20 that, but this time they did, so I got the medical help I needed while = taking=20 care of Mom. She=20 is talking about death a lot, and if the Lord is planning on taking her = soon, I=20 really hope He send a few more angels for Doug and I to bear it = spiritually,=20 emotionally and physically, financially. We will both be homeless if Mom = dies,=20 because disability income is not enough to live on = alone.=20 So=20 we won't be making any Christmas dinner. We will be opening gifts at the = hospital and maybe eat lunch in the cafeteria there. They have turkey = dinner=20 that day.I hope Mom is here for 1 more Christmas at = least.=20 Drama=20 #2 My=20 husband was near a building that exploded today due to a suicide bomber. = God=20 protected him AGAIN! He got a "percussion injury", where the air that is = blasted=20 hits you like a rock and makes a huge bruise and makes you fly through = the air,=20 and his ears are still ringing so he might have slight hearing damage. I = am so=20 sorry he has to live like that. I want him HOME and safe!...but I would = not be=20 very helpful to him right now. Maybe he is being delayed because we = can't help=20 each other the way we will need help right now. He will have PTSD for = sure, the=20 longer he stays, the worse it will be. Today he said he didn't know how = he could=20 stand this anymore, but we just do. We just keep waking up the next = morning and=20 we keep surviving. Maybe=20 he is being delayed by God because no man can live in a house with this = much=20 drama and crisis all the time. I don't want to ruin his life and make = him=20 unhappy by the hard lifestyle of living with a sick wife. He deserves = children=20 and I can't give him that. I'm finished with that. So hard to wait for = him, and=20 to wonder why the delay in him getting home. I=20 have an Aunt who barely ever talks to us because we have more dramatic = crisises=20 in 1 year than she has ever had in her life and she thinks its not = possible or=20 that we are making up all these things. Her crisis is to get a grass = stain on=20 her white pants. I=20 am SO exhausted, in so much pain, no one to help me or even to help Mom = so I can=20 rest enough...one of those times that I feel like I could die soon, but = I won't.=20 Lupus is a LONG severely painful existence. Lupus gets worse with = stress,=20 shutting down more organs. As soon as it hits the heart or liver or = kidneys, you=20 are getting close to death. My brother wonders about him dying soon too = because=20 all this stress is making his heart do crazy things...so wouldn't that = be weird=20 if all 4 of us died within a year or so of each = other?=20 I=20 thought God sent me a husband for strength to go through all these = things with,=20 but if I go through all these things alone, it shows I do not need a=20 husband...but I would like the companionship. Maybe God is waiting until = both=20 parents have passed away, so I won't be lonely, but then Mom won't have = to deal=20 with living with a son-in-law. She really can't live alone anymore so = we'd have=20 to live with her to help her. I totally overthink things and constantly = think=20 "why". It wears me out. I'm going to go "lay me down and bleed awhile, = then rise=20 and fight again." MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE-EVE. LOL = Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 10:58=20 PM 2=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, hospital, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Saturday, December 22, 2007

PEOPLE=20 CAN BE VERY GOOD!

     My life=20 is so full of "coincidences" that I wouldn't believe it if it was not = happening=20 to me. Each one could make a good short story, but no one would believe = that all=20 these coincidences happen to one person. lol.

     Last=20 night I was making out the grocery list for our boxing day dinner, which = we are=20 having with my sister instead of Christmas dinner. I said we needed = potatoes and=20 I needed to call my sister to see if she had a turkey or if I needed to = buy one.=20 Just then the doorbell rang. I went to answer it, and no one was there, = but I=20 looked down, and there was a huge Rubbermaid square container with = a=20 turkey, turkey roaster, potatoes, stuffing, canned soup, veggies, = fruits,=20 mac and cheese, hot chocolate and more. I have NO CLUE who brought it. = It might=20 have been an agency such as the food bank or the church, or it might = have been=20 an individual who knew what a tough month/year we have had and will have = for a=20 little while yet...BUT WHAT A JOY!!! All the years I had given to other = people=20 secretly, it was such a joy to give, but usually I feel guilty about = receiving=20 so much. Not this time, since I am not even well enough to get to the = grocery=20 store before boxing day.

     We also=20 have been invited to someone's house for Christmas Eve (first time ever) = and=20 another house for Christmas Day, but I think I will invite them to our = house=20 instead for boxing day dinner. Life is looking up! Maybe the funeral = reminded=20 people that we are still here and alive, so we will have more of a = social life.=20 I think we will ask more people over for games or videos or = visiting now.=20 Dad was so against having company. Now we can have more people over, so = we won't=20 be so isolated, like the prison of the past 10 (ten) years. = Thankyou=20 Lord. What a blessing to know good hearted people! =

MERRY = CHRISTMAS!!

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 4:58=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Friday, December 21, 2007

Dear=20 Second Family

Dear second = family, we have=20 another crisis.

    =20 Forgive me for asking for prayer again so soon. I woke up in severe = enough pain=20 for the emergency room, and so did Mom, but her needs were greater than = mine, so=20 I have been in and out of the emergency room with her every 8 hours or = so all=20 day and night and it could continue for a few days. Dad just died 3 = weeks ago=20 and she talks as if she thinks her husband can't live without = her in=20 heaven and is coming to get her. To make it worse, the government messed = things=20 up and declared HER dead instead of my Dad, so her retirement pension, = drivers=20 license, bank account have all been cut off, and we could be homeless = before we=20 get lawyers, accountants and politicians to make it right again, and I = think she=20 decided that was the last straw, she could not face that long expensive = fight=20 and the possibility of homelessness, so maybe she is giving up. =

    = In our=20 hospital, you do not go to the E.R. or even stay in the hospital without = someone=20 with you at all times or you are insulted and verbally abused and = neglected. I=20 wish I had someone who could go to the E.R. with me, I was in as much = pain as=20 she was when I took her. We need your prayers please. I know there is = power in=20 prayer and I feel it when others pray for us. I see it SO OFTEN that the = other=20 spouse dies shortly after the first, and I just don't have the strength = to deal=20 with that right now. We have not even put up any decorations and I have = not=20 gotten my children's and grandchildren's gifts wrapped and sent. We will = just=20 have to forget this Christmas. No matter how worn out and in severe pain = I get=20 from all this stress, I don't have anyone to go with me to the E.R. so I = will=20 really need some courage to face the severe pain at home or while in the = E.R.=20 with mom.

    =20 Thanks for being here. (Ohhhh I just looked outside, we are in the = middle of a=20 BLIZZARD!! I don't even have the strength to shovel enough to get to the = car and=20 to scrape off the car to get to the hospital. I guess I jinxed myself = when I was=20 trying to find something to be thankful for, and told someone at least I = was=20 grateful the snow had melted and I didn't have to shovel or scrape off = the car=20 before following the ambulance.)

Thanks so much for = your=20 prayers

Blessings, Sheila=20 W

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 4:19=20 AM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Friday, December 14, 2007

The=20 WHY of my Miracle, and I learned something else.

As this picture shows...I have been being carried by the Lord = through all=20 of the storms this past year or more. Struggling, but it would be so = much worse=20 without my faith and His comfort.

I just=20 got a phone call from a really spiritual friend of my mom's. She called=20 accidentally, thinking I had a computer for sale! She left a message on = my=20 machine. I am so weepy today that I didn't want to call her back, but = the Holy=20 Spirit reminded me that this year I have been taught that there are NO = mistakes,=20 NO coincidences, that even the mistakes turn out to have some reason, so = her=20 call was for a reason, so I called her back. I told her I didn't have a=20 computer, we figured out the mistake, then started talking about other=20 things.

It's=20 been such a horrible day, everything I tried to do or call or write or = work on=20 went wrong, and then my daughter emailed me, telling me to send her = gifts and my=20 grandsons gifts to her grandmother's house, because she didn't want me = to know=20 where she is living. It made me not want to send the gifts, because she = has=20 never once sent me a gift for anything, but I don't want my grandsons to = suffer=20 because of her cruelty. I have not done ANYTHING but love and support = that girl.=20 That just broke me for today.

The=20 lady that called me meant to come to Dad's funeral but went to the wrong = church,=20 so she missed it. I told her how angry I was at myself for having such = negative=20 thoughts when I am in severe pain or on days like this when I am = grieving and=20 weeping. She said that when I am thinking negative, defeating thoughts = (almost=20 always when the pain or the grieving comes), that its because that is = when I am=20 weakest, and I need to pray for the Lord to please take those thoughts = from me=20 until He decides to make me stronger, because I can't bear them when I = am so=20 weak. I'll have to remember that. I'm sure others are as tired of my = sadness and=20 fears as I am, but now I know its because they hit me when I am weakest, = and I=20 need to pray harder during those times for protection from those=20 ideas.

I have=20 been asking why God gave me the miracle of no pain for a week BEFORE Mom = and Dad=20 got sick, instead of when I needed it the most. If there was ever a time = when I=20 needed no pain and a positive outlook and strength, it was through their = illness=20 and Dad's passing and the funeral. Now I can see that if God had given = me that=20 week of no pain while mom and dad were both sick, then I would not have = felt the=20 emotional strength of joy and that I can do anything, and how beautiful = life and=20 the world are, and all the other wonderful clear thoughts that came to = me. If=20 that week of no pain would have come while they were sick, I would have = still=20 had the emotional sadness and stress, and would not have known how = different=20 life is without severe pain. I love learning new things, even if it = takes pain=20 to learn them. I pray this lesson stays with me. I hate that I forget so = much of=20 what life has taught me because of fibrofog and painfog, and I ask God = to keep=20 reminding me.

Blessings to you=20 all, thanks for your love during this difficult time of grieving and = fearing=20 that I will lose my husband and mom and everyone else too. (Just a fear = of=20 losing others because I just lost Dad.)

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 8:13=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, parents, prayer

Sunday, December 9, 2007

WARNING-=20 (Could apply to any invisible illness)

=20

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 7:29=20 PM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 chronic illness, faith,=20 fibromyalgia, humor,=20 lupus, pain,=20 prayer

TEN = ANGELS

=20

=20
=20
=20
=20

=20

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 6:37=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 angels, faith,=20 fibromyalgia, God, joy, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Laughing=20 at Chronic Illness

Laugh!

Let's=20 face it. . . chronic illness can have its humorous moments if we = look for=20 them.

You know you have a chronic illness=20 when...

You = understand all=20 the medical = terminology=20 discussed on the T.V. show Grey's Anatomy.

When = you hear the=20 term "Club Med" you automatically think of the hospital.
You ask = your child=20 to open the "child-proof" bottles of medicine = because your hands=20 are too sore.

Your = medical=20 records have to be transported on a cart.

To = entertain people=20 at parties you recite the side effects of = medications=20 as if you are the voice over on a commercial.=20
Your = favorite Oprah=20 program is when Dr. Oz is on.=20
To get = rid of=20 boredom on road trips, your whole family can go through the = alphabet and=20 name a drug that starts with each letter of the alphabet. =
When = you're unable=20 to sleep because of pain, you watch "The Jerry Springer = Show" and=20 feel like you actually have a life.=20
Your = spelling has=20 improved dramatically, especially on words like "fibromyalgia" = and=20 "osteoporosis."=20
Or = you've been=20 "Around the World in Thirty Minutes" with CNN's Headline News 57 = times=20 in one sitting.=20
You = have a panic=20 attack in public and say, "Praise God this = is only the=20 fourth one today!"=20
You're = invited to=20 the wedding of the gal who works at the hospital lab.=20
You're = child thinks=20 watching you do injections of medication is "cool."=20
You = have a=20 flashback and don't know what happened and can honestly say, "I = don't=20 know where I was or what I was doing but I'll make
something = up if=20 you'd like."

Top 10 things NOT to say to a chronically ill=20 person

See the Rest Ministries/HopeKeepers T-shirt with this saying on = the=20 back!

10. You can't be in that much pain
9. Stop being lazy and = get a=20 job
8. You just want attention
7. Your illness is caused by=20 stress
6. No pain. . . no gain!
5. It's all in your = head
4. If=20 you just got out of the house...
3. You're so lucky to get to = stay in=20 bed all day.
2. Just pray harder
1. But you look so=20 good!

Reprinted with=20 permission of Lisa Copen, Copyright 2007, National Invisible = Chronic=20 Illness Awareness Week, http://www.invisibleillness.com= /

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 6:21=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 chronic illness, faith,=20 fibromyalgia, joy, lupus,=20 pain, prayer, support groups

I=20 thought my heart problem was cured, but...

I guess it's=20 not. I had to get a blood test a few days ago, an arterial blood gas. = Its quite=20 a painful test because they have to find an artery instead of a vein by = feeling=20 your pulse, and the arteries are usually wrapped in nerves, so when they = poke it=20 with a needle, it just makes you hold your breath in pain. Anyway = it took=20 them quite a while to find a good artery, because my pulse was so = erratic=20 (irregular), which is what the problem was when I started this blog. My = oxygen=20 is still low, but I don't use the oxygen as much as I used to. I should = have=20 worn it today when I went out. Its freezing cold out, yet I was sweating = from=20 weakness. The problem is, the oxygen tank is in a shoulder pack, and if = I barely=20 have the strength to walk around without it, it is much harder to walk = around=20 carrying that heavy thing.

     Still they won't even offer me any = medication=20 that others with arrhythmia get, as if they are hoping I will die = sooner. VERY=20 SCARY to think that "the system" might have the power to let me die = soon,=20 ruining the lives of those who love me.

      I still don't think the Dr. = knows when I=20 will die. God will decide...but the more stress that happens, the closer = I will=20 move towards dying. I don't fear death at all, but knowing the pain that = we are=20 all feeling with Dad's death, I don't want to cause anyone that = kind of=20 pain.

      I worry that hubby will get = killed over=20 there in the war zone, or that he will be delayed so long that I will = not be=20 much of a wife by the time we get together. I am doing everything in my = power to=20 get healthier and stronger, but maybe God has other plans.

     There is still the possibility that = Mom could=20 die soon. I thought since God found me a husband, that He found me a = companion=20 to be with me through these most traumatic times. I guess not. It does = make me=20 wonder about being a wife at all, if I will not be getting any = help, and I=20 will be doing all the giving, like in my first marriage. I don't yet = have the=20 strength to even live a half way normal life or take care of my basic = needs,=20 nevermind trying to take care of someone else's needs who is going to be = somewhat helpless for a while and might have PTSD (post traumatic stress = disorder) on top of everything else.

     Ok here I go with my bad habit again. = I am "what=20 if"ing myself to death. We can't see the future. Its crazy to make = yourself sick=20 worrying about all that COULD happen. We need to hope for the best, = envision the=20 best, plan and work for the best, and live one day, one hour at a time, = enjoying=20 the moment. I used to worry so much about the future that I forgot to = enjoy the=20 present. Trying to kick that habit.

     I have really done a good job of = taking in every=20 moment and really feeling all of it, which makes life so much richer. = Took a lot=20 of reading and studying to change how I think. Hopefully I will continue = improving with the way I think about life. It hard enough without adding = more=20 worries that are unnecessary.

     We have no interest or energy to = decorate for=20 Christmas this year. I think we need the joy that the decorations will = bring,=20 but we don't have the strength. The gifts that I am sending to children = and=20 grandchildren will be late, which doesn't make me happy, but I'm doing = my=20 best.

Blessings to you=20 all,

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 12:00=20 AM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fear of dying, fibromyalgia, heart failure, lupus,=20 medical system, pain,=20 positive thinking, prayer, terminal illness

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Interesting=20 Experience since Funeral

        I = had a weird=20 experience yesterday. There=20 have only been 3 times that I have cried uncontrollably since Dad died. = First=20 was when he died, second was after the funeral, third was last=20 night about 8:00. I couldn't figure out why I was so upset and why = I=20 couldn't stop myself from crying, and I cried until about 10:30, then I = realized=20 that 7:45 two weeks ago is when Dad died. It seems like my body = stored=20 that traumatic hour in my body, and somehow, the alarm in my = body went=20 off at the same time he died. Strange.

     =20 I noticed that with my divorce, too. Even after many years when I had = forgotten=20 the dates that some events happened, I would get into the most=20 solemn, quiet, sad mood, and not understand why, then later it = would=20 come to me that it was that hour, day, month, etc. that he told me he = was=20 leaving, or that he did something else traumatic in our relationship.=20

     Just=20 this month I have read a bit about memories being stored in your DNA, = and=20 sometimes are even passed down to the next generation. Maybe this = experience has=20 some tie to that theory? I don't know. So many mysteries that I = will be so=20 excited to learn after we are resurrected and can learn for=20 eternity.

   = I am=20 sleeping about 1 hour every 2 days. Stress makes fibro/lupus worse, = fibro/lupus=20 flare makes stress worse, so its a vicious cycle.

    = It is=20 wonderful to feel the peace that passes all understanding, and to feel = the Lord=20 carrying us, and to have the knowledge that our family will soon be = together=20 again, and we know where he is and that he is happy and probably has = even gotten=20 to meet the Lord by now. What a comfort faith is.

    =20 Gosh its nasty cold here too. about -12. Its supposed to be the = coldest=20 winter in 15 years, and I believe it from the way its starting out! I'll = have to=20 go to Salvation army and get more layers of clothes to put under my = coat, and a=20 warm hat and scarf and hopefully some snow boots. I hear the snow boots = are=20 about $100 new, because the retail stores know that we have not needed = them for=20 so many years, that there are none in the used clothing stores, so if we = want=20 some, we have to pay whatever they want to charge = us.

     Here=20 is something else interesting. When Dad went into the nursing home 2 = years ago,=20 Mom, my brother and I suddenly hated food. It was like a constant nausea = or knot=20 in our stomach. We didn't even like the smell or sight of food, so we = lived on=20 very little food. This is one of the reasons I gained so much weight. My = body=20 thought it was starving, so it would not burn any fat. Now that the knot = is out=20 of our stomach, because we know that Dad is not suffering anymore, we = are eating=20 more (because there is so much food here left over from the funeral), = and I lost=20 5 pounds in 5 days (2.5 kilos) from eating MORE! Dieting ruins your = metabolism.=20 Most large people have dieted themselves all the way to obesity. People = are now=20 learning that there are no magic pills or diets or tricks to staying = thin. Only=20 eating good food in portions that are not too big, and keep moving = around as=20 much as possible. So much has to do with genetics, also. I AM = THANKING GOD=20 for helping me lose even 5 pounds because there is no way I can exercise = enough=20 to lose a lot of weight. Too much pain. I have found a few ways=20 to exercise without pain, but do it many times a day, so that = it will=20 burn calories. I hope soon I will be strong enough for my favorite = activity, swimming, and to go on long walks so I can be strong enough to = travel. I used to get awards in sports at school. Hard to look at = my body=20 now and believe that. lol. I just want to get stronger so I can enjoy = life and=20 help others more.

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 11:36=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 dying, faith,=20 fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 medical system, pain,=20 parents, prayer, spiritual experience

Sunday, December 2, 2007

One=20 reason why the Elderly must suffer.

    We = are finished=20 with Dad's funeral now, and it has just occurred to me that if I had to = let him=20 go if he was healthy, it would have been unbearable; but because he was=20 suffering so badly, we just wanted him to stop suffering, even if it = meant we=20 would miss him terribly. We cry because we miss him, but then we start = to think=20 of how happy he is and that he is not suffering anymore, and it is worth = letting=20 him go. Maybe that's one reason for all the suffering in the nursing = homes.=20 Another reason, is that someone is not willing to let them go. Mom and = my=20 brother and I all prayed on the same night "If it is your will Father, = please=20 let him stop suffering. Its getting worse and the nursing care is so bad = now,=20 its almost abusive, and it's hurting us ALL so much that we can't do = much to=20 ease his suffering, that we all think we will soon fall apart. He = doesn't=20 deserve this, please ease his suffering." It was a couple of days later = that we=20 all told each other that on the same night we had said almost=20 exact prayers.

     = I know that=20 we had not fully been able to "let him go" before that, even though he = was=20 suffering and knew he would die soon, but as soon as we were completely = able to=20 release him, he soon went. I have seen this happen a couple of other = times too,=20 that the person stayed alive until one specific family member was ready = to let=20 him/her go, and when they do, they pass quickly. I love you Dad. You = were one of=20 the most honorable/respectable/loveable men there could be. The = church was=20 full of people who loved you and had smiles on their faces with all the = joy you=20 brought to them with your sense of humor. I hope I can be more like you. = Bye=20 Dad. *sob* save a place for us.

Love, your adoring=20 daughter.

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 9:04=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 medical system, pain,=20 parents, prayer

Friday, November 30, 2007

Memorial/Funeral=20 tomorrow

(yes I repeated = myself here.=20 Sorry. Brain is mush right now,)

   Just = this moment=20 finished planning the funeral for the second time. Almost everyone = backed out!=20 (They really did have good reasons, though.) II really want Heavenly = Father to=20 explain why we are alone even in a crisis like death as well as alone = for 10=20 years. We finally found the Bishop had never come to introduce himself = to us, he=20 was very kind, and the church will take care of the food, and we've had = visitors=20 and phone calls from people his age from 7 a.m. until 11 at night until = we are=20 so tired we take turns to just go into our room and sob and have a = nap and=20 the others take over while we rest for an hour. We are only getting = about 2 or 3=20 hours rest, because we are visiting and taking calls all = day, so we=20 have to do all the memorial arrangements at night. I wanted to = make a=20 very nice picture board of Dad throughout his life but = I didn't have=20 time. Oh well, maybe it will slow down after tomorrow. I've been=20 carrying so much of the load, so I am in horrible pain and my = Dr.=20 messed up on my pain meds, so I only got my pain meds today. I had to = deal with=20 the grief and all the hard work with horrible pain. I am concerned = about=20 how I will take care of mom when she collapses after the funeral, = because I will=20 be collapsing too, perhaps bad enough for the hospital. I'm not thinking = negatively, I just know how my body reacts after big and long lasting = crisises=20 like this.

    = We are all=20 better emotionally, and I have seen Mom's energy and my brother's energy = raise=20 significantly because we are not heartbroken thinking about Dad's = suffering. We=20 catch ourselves crying for a few minutes many times a day because we = miss him,=20 but its a much different type of tears than the tears of knowing he is = suffering=20 and that we can't do much to alleviate his suffering. We know how happy = he is=20 now, and with the Lord, and with all his family, since he is the = youngest, and=20 getting to know his father who died 6 weeks after Dad and his twin were=20 born.

    =20
    = I no longer=20 believe that verse that says God won't give us more than we can = bear. Why=20 do people have heart attacks and nervous breakdowns? When I researched = the=20 verse, I think it said "you will never be TEMPTED more than you can = handle.".=20

   = Almost everyone=20 that I had lined up for the funeral backed out, and so I had to start = over, and=20 I am asking Heavenly Father why he wants me to be alone even when = my=20 parents die, as well as alone for 10 years.

   We = have had=20 visitors and phone calls every 10 minutes all week, until I was just = crying with=20 pain and exhaustion and wanted to put a sign on the door saying "do not = disturb=20 until 2:00" and put the answering machine on, but mom was just glorying = in all=20 the attention, so I went to my room collapsed in pain and let her do a = few hours=20 of hostessing. I heard them ask for me, but they were all people who = were Dad's=20 age, who I never knew, so I didn't come up. I don't get it. If these = people=20 cared so much about Dad, where have they been for the past 10+ years = when we=20 needed a friend or a visitor even on the phone??

     This=20 is NUTS! In my hubby's country, they bury the person the same day, go = home, and=20 then neighbors come over and bring food and take care of the family, and = crying=20 is allowed, and there is no cost involved. Here, its like planning a = wedding,=20 but it has to be done in 3 days while your brain and heart have turned = to mush=20 and we have to pay a minimum of $12,000 to entertain the friends and = family and=20 neighbors and act brave. We are poor though, so we had to have him = cremated,=20 which I am not adjusting to well, but it brought the price down to = $4,000. Can't=20 afford to die!

   I am = happy to see=20 how many cared for Dad in his lifetime. I'm in so much pain and so = exhausted,=20 maybe my next post will be more positive.

Thank you all who are sharing their love with me and praying for = me.

Blessings, Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 7:06=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 death, depression, faith,=20 fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, parents, prayer

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

FREE=20 CHRISTMAS GIFT TAGS!!!

EARLY CHRISTMAS = GIFT FOR YOU!=20 I SEND IT EVERY YEAR. First year I used just paper. The next year I used = cardstock..looked so much nicer, this year I am using sticky back paper = for some=20 that I have to mail, and glossy cardstock for the others. = ENJOY!!!

http://www.smp= lysoft.com/earlymerrychristmas.html

Love,Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 5:47=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Friday, November 23, 2007

Spirits=20 coming and going

Hi second family; =
I got a new = grandson=20 at 10:14 a.m. yesterday. That joy seems overshadowed by Dad passing away = at 7:46=20 this evening. I got to be with him holding his hand. It wasn't a scary = "fighting=20 for breath" experience like I saw earlier that scared me a lot, but he = just=20 stopped breathing, and I had to look hard at his chest and listen for a = minute=20 or more to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, then called in = a nurse=20 to please make sure. Mom's still in the hospital, she's handling it = better than=20 I would if it were my husband. She has a lot less of the "crying = chemical" than=20 I do. Gosh it took everything in me to pull myself away from him for the = last=20 time, but again I was in so much pain that if I stayed, I would have = ended up in=20 the E.R. alone, treated badly. I wanted to stay to comfort Mom, but = after about=20 3 hours she said she'd be fine and insisted that I get some rest. One = family=20 member enters the family, another leaves. It happens a lot in my family, = and=20 almost every family member shares a birthday with another family member. = Today's=20 birth is shared with my 6 year old grandson. Thanks for all your love = and=20 prayers and support. It will be interesting to see if I lose any other = of my=20 terminally ill family members this year or my husband in that war; or = even if I=20 will go soon, but I will appreciate having them for as long as possible = and=20 appreciate the many little joys in life. Feeling that peace that passes = all=20 understanding, though I have cried so hard and long I feel like I have = been=20 exercising for many many hours. To top it off, my Dr. = told me to=20 double my pain meds last time I saw him, so I did, and so now I need a = refill,=20 and he insists I am asking for them too soon, and doesn't remember = telling me to=20 double the dose, so I am going through the hardest part of my life with=20 intolerable pain! God showed me last week that he can take away the pain = completely if he wants, so I hope He will do that again so I can help my = family=20 through this. Here is a pic of my fuzzy looking sweet grandson. They say = he has=20 curly black hair. Well the mom and Dad are dark blonde and red hair, so = that's=20 strange! My Dad had black hair and almost latino dark skin, so I like = guys with=20 dark skin. Maybe my grandson's black hair came through my Dad's genes. I = am the=20 only blonde on both sides of the family, except for a great grandfather, = so=20 maybe that's where I got my hair color too. What a precious father. = It will=20 hurt so much to be without him, but it was hurting worse to lay here and = know he=20 was suffering and that I couldn't do much to help. I am thanking our = loving=20 Heavenly Father for the time that I did get to be with my Dad. What a = blessing=20 he has ALWAYS been. Blessings, Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 11:48=20 PM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Interesting=20 Horoscope

I think of = horoscopes as=20 entertainment but don't believe them much. I'm really not very=20 superstitious either and I think its funny that some people send on = the=20 emails that threaten that something bad will happen to them if they = don't.=20 I think its interesting when horoscopes DO hit the nail on = the head=20 though. I read them about 4 times a year, but read mine today and wow it = hit on=20 the head. I am so burned out and pushing myself to go back to the = hospital even=20 when I can't do anything there anymore, and the horoscope = said:

=

Your horoscope for Thursday, Nov 22,=20 2007

Social=20 activities this time of year can bring you much joy, but you = might=20 have to pay a price for the fun. You may be driven to = extremes by=20 your desires now, which could tire you out before you make = it=20 through your schedule. Practice moderation; limiting your=20 indulgences can help you to conserve the resources you will = need=20 later=20 on.

My social = activities consist of=20 going to the hospital. Maybe this is suggesting to not go until it = is=20 necessary. I feel like I am going to end up in a hospital bed too if I = go for=20 12-18 hours again today. It says I will need resources later on. = Possibly to=20 really emotionally support my family when Dad passes

    = I thought the=20 bad tooth was what was causing my heart problem. I guess it was not. My = oxygen=20 level was MUCH lower then my Dad's, so I've been on oxygen at the = hospital. I=20 just wish they would let me use one of the many extra stretchers to lay = down for=20 10 minutes to ease my pain. A chair for 12-20 hours is just not enough. = If the=20 floor wasn't so covered with bacteria I would consider laying on a = blanket on=20 the floor.

     I am=20 curious to find out how closely together my grandson comes and my Father = leaves.=20 Maybe they will greet each other in the air as they pass each other, or = maybe=20 even my grandson will help escort Dad home, or Dad will help escort my = grandson=20 into this world. The other belief is that the baby's spirit is already = in the=20 baby before birth, so its all a big mystery.

     I=20 thought the Lord gave me a husband so we could comfort each other = through=20 the hard times and share the joyous times, but I haven't gotten one word = of=20 encouragement from him, which really hurts, and I have to call him if I = want to=20 hear his voice. He says he is taking things very well mentally there and = that he=20 is quite safe unless a bomb hits the house he's living in, so if that's = so, and=20 if he is better off than I am right now, I would appreciate his = shoulder! He=20 said that he thought what I was going through was much harder than the = war he=20 was going through, which I thought was kind hearted of him, but I don't=20 understand his silence. It makes me wonder if he will be any comfort or = help to=20 me when he gets here. I don't want to mention to him that I'm mad at him = for not=20 even sending one sentence that might comfort me, because I want it to = come from=20 his heart, not from me telling him he MUST do it. Feels like I'm losing = husband,=20 dad, possibly mom, daughter is not speaking to me (not the one who is = expecting=20 a baby), and my brother is so close to an emotional breakdown. I need a = shoulder=20 too. I am holding everyone else together and even doing medical = procedures.=20

     Its=20 frustrating that we have been too sick to make friends here. I don't = really have=20 anyone that I could trust with a house key in case something happened to = both=20 mom and I, yesterday I needed someone to bring me more oxygen from home, = but I=20 got a Dr. to prescribe me some there.

    = I was hoping=20 the tooth problem would cure my heart problem and my need for oxygen, = but it=20 didn't...so my future is questionable again.

    = OH WONDERFUL!=20 Mom just called me and said that she and Dad were doing OK for now and = that I=20 could stay home and rest until she calls to say I need to come in. = PRAISE GOD! I=20 need even a few hours rest! So I can do what my horoscope = suggests!

Blessings to you = all dear=20 friends who have written and prayed for me and have been as close as = family. My=20 computer friends are a bunch of angels!

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 10:16=20 AM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Both=20 parents in hospital

The day after my parents 59th = anniversary was=20 the Queen of England's 60th anniversary. I thought that was interesting, = because=20 my wedding was 1 year and 1 day from Princess Diana's, and my kids = birthdays=20 were the same months as the prince's.

   At 3 in the morning, = the nursing=20 home called and said Dad will be taken to the hospital by ambulance. I = went=20 upstairs to tell Mom and she said "I need one too." So I called another, = and we=20 live next door to the nursing home, so one ambulance followed the other, = and I=20 was ahead of them both in my car. I called my brother to tell him and he = said he=20 had woken up for some unknown reason, he never wakes up at that time! So = he came=20 over to the hospital and we spent the day going back and forth helping = answer=20 questions and get them settled in and make sure they get immediate = treatment.=20
So my miracle was timed perfectly so that I could help with = this=20 crisis. I walked 4 miles a day the past 2 days. I wear my pedometer to=20 measure....but today, I can't walk and struggling to even roll over. I = have=20 tried since Monday to get my Dr. to refill my medicine over the phone, = but he=20 insists that I come out there. So I will have to go without my diabetes = medicine=20 and muscle relaxant, which is not going to make this any = easier.

    I am now in = unbearable pain=20 again, massaging legs, crawling to the bathroom, takes 5 minutes to roll = over.=20 Unhappy that I have to go back on my morphine but thanking God that = there is=20 such a thing, so that when it kicks in, I can go back and care for my=20 parents.

   My dear husband said = that the list=20 of things I am going through now (about 12 things I have not told anyone = about)=20 is worse than the war he is going through right now. He is so calm and = patient=20 and strong and full of faith. I'm so proud of him...my life is almost = always 10=20 crisises at once, so if my life is harder than the war he is going = through, do I=20 want to bring him to this stressful life? Oh well, its not really my = decision=20 anyway. Its up to God, who will influence the court.

    I thought God = gave me a=20 husband so we could love and support each other through these most = difficult=20 times. I could sure use a shoulder to lean on after I physically and = emotionally=20 take care of mom, dad and my brother...but I just come home and fall = apart, and=20 do paperwork until the pain eases up enough to sleep.

     I am still = so very=20 grateful for my 1 week miracle and I hope God will give me the words to = write an=20 article about it.

Blessings to you all, HAPPY TURKEY = DAY TOMORROW=20 TO THE AMERICANS. Remember to give thanks that things are not worse, = because=20 they always could be worse.

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 10:45=20 AM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, hospital, lupus,=20 medical system, pain,=20 parents, prayer

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Long=20 Day, half sad, half great!

I Woke up in so = much=20 pain, sadness was my first response, but maybe I just overdid=20 yesterday,. I still prayed with thanks for what I had been given, = and=20 strength to re-adjust to the old lifestyle. I needed pain = medicine. I=20 started mourning that the pain free time was over, but still thanked God = for the=20 time He DID give me to understand how others live and think without = pain. I=20 wished that I had been given the words to describe it. I hope the words = still=20 come. I cried so hard for hours, I grieved the loss of feeling healthy, = was=20 prematurely grieving Dad's passing, grieving a friend's passing (also=20 prematurely), grieving the burden my brother is carrying until it is = going to=20 push him to the limit, and grieving that I may soon lose my mom after my = Dad,=20 and grieving my husband that I may never see, and grieving not seeing my = children or grandchildren except once in 10 years, and I will be a = grandmother=20 again tomorrow or Tuesday. Just another baby I won't see unless I can = get=20 healthy and strong!

mom was = semi-conscious and I=20 didn't know what to do to help her, and if something happens to Dad, SHE = has all=20 the final arrangements, so I didn't know what I would do if Dad passed = away=20 while Mom was in a diabetic stupor. I wanted to be with Dad, but was = afraid to=20 leave mom. Finally Mom woke up fine, got her insulin, I asked her = quickly where=20 the final arrangements for Dad are, in case he dies when she is = unconscious or=20 too sick to do anything. So now I am more confident in case something = happens to=20 Dad.

THEN = THE DAY=20 CHANGED!!!

=20

     Finally=20 the pain medicine started working, so I was able to go sit with Dad, and = what a=20 joy! I got to sit with him for 3 hours, the longest I have EVER been = able to be=20 out of bed since he went into the nursing home. I was able to do the = nurse's=20 treatment on Dad for her, for which she was SO VERY grateful, (since I = have my=20 nursing degree), which freed her up for 20 minutes to do other = treatments. I was=20 able to get some pain medicine into him early, which he would have = suffered if I=20 was not there. Then my brother came in to take over. Dad talked for 2 = hours=20 straight and what a precious talk it was.

     When I=20 got home, Mom was on the floor doubled up in pain and not able to get = her=20 oxygen, so I got her into bed, hooked up the oxygen, gave her the pain=20 injection, put a tablet under her tongue to sink into her blood stream = faster,=20 and got her settled down. Oh gosh it felt SOOO good to be of some use to = someone! Now I need my own oxygen a bit, so all 3 of us are on=20 oxygen.

    = Ok, so I am=20 not cured, but MUCH MUCH better, and will continue to get better every = day, in=20 every way! Maybe I can write and earn more and travel and make some = dreams come=20 true! ....instead of doubled up in pain waiting for life to = end...fearing (to=20 the point of anxiety) how I would deal with life if it got any harder = and if=20 parents died or we got kicked out of our house or if my husband was able = to come=20 and I could not help him.

now I am on my way = to comfort my=20 brother, who just walked out of the house sobbing. I'll go to his = bachelor=20 apartment, where he has not let us come in 10 years, but he comes = here 4=20 times a day... tough. I'm going to comfort him, and I thank god = for the=20 strength to be able to do it.

GOD IS SO GOOD, HIS TIMING IS PERFECT, = AND =20 I WILL REMEMBER TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE GOOD TIMES I = HAD,=20 RATHER THAN   MOURNING HOW THINGS ARE, SO IF MY HUSBAND = CANNOT=20 COME, I WILL ALSO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT OF HAVING HIM FOR AS LONG AS = I DID,=20 ALONG WITH THE SADNESS   OF BEING ALONE FOR THE = REST=20 OF MY LIFE.

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 5:07=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Saturday, November 17, 2007

BEST=20 MORNING YET!

=
Before I=20 even open my eyes when I wake up, I lay and assess what hurts, how I = feel, etc.=20 Then say my morning prayer. This morning was the best morning yet, so my = prayer=20 was so full of joy and tears and Thanksgiving, so appropriate for the US = date of=20 thanksgiving coming up soon.

I want to=20 dance! I want to sing! I have not had that desire for 15 years! If this=20 continues, dance will probably be my exercise. Right now its jut pilates = in bed=20 and resistance bands in bed.

It took=20 almost all my strength to get cleaned up and dressed up to go out but I = made it=20 to the post office and grocery and put gas in the car and went to see = Dad. I=20 don't remember when I could do more than 1 thing in a day. I still had = to rest=20 when I got home, though. The strength will come, I have to be patient = with this=20 body and keep at it. I had not been able to see Dad for a month, and he = looks=20 very bad. It is Mom and Dad's 59th anniversary today, so I am praying = God does=20 not take him today. He was not even wakeable when was visiting. I wanted = to=20 touch him, hold him, I miss him so much, but he was having a hard time=20 breathing, so I could only touch his hand. What a precious Father he is = and=20 always has been.

I have=20 been asking the Lord to help me put into words how different a person's = thinking=20 is when they are not in pain. Its like being a different creature! = Different=20 planet even. I am afraid the pain might come back and then for sure I = won't be=20 able to think of how it was when I had no pain. Now that I can think of = other=20 things than pain, maybe I can finish writing my books!

My=20 husband's house got a new baby today, amidst the bombs and machine guns. = What a=20 dramatic thought, isn't it? There was a curfew, so she couldn't get to = the=20 hospital, so it was born at home with the Taliban and Pakistan Army = shooting=20 outside their home!

I have to travel = to=20 another city to go to court soon. where I will get the money for that, I = don't=20 know. I have to buy 4 phone cards to Pakistan worth 2 hours each so they = can=20 call hubby in court, and I have to pay for transportation and room and = food for=20 a few days. Its NUTS! My husband has NO reason not to be here. It is a = very=20 small detail that is keeping him away and only God knows why the legal = system is=20 prolonging it instead of just making a decision based on lawyer's notes = from 2=20 countries! Oh well, someday we will understand. Obviously part of the = delay was=20 to wait until I got stronger. What a dramatic = life, eh?=20 Even from bed, what a dramatic life I lead!

I want to=20 personally acknowledge my miracle, and THANK OUR LOVING LORD. Even if = this all=20 ends tomorrow, it has been a miracle and I am thankful. I don't have the = beautiful language of King Solomon, so I am reading the scriptures of = praise=20 that he wrote, to thank God with more eloquence than I = have.

I pray=20 the same can happen in your life!

Blessings,Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 9:10=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Friday, November 16, 2007

5th=20 day of my miracle SO MUCH TO TELL!

I = am still=20 having no pain, anywhere, not fibromyalgia, not lupus, not the oral = surgery or=20 infection after.

    It's impossible to go from one night needing = more pain=20 killers than the E.R. Dr. has ever given anyone, to waking up the next = morning=20 with no pain. It is not possible to take morphine for 10 years, then = wake up one=20 morning and not need it, and not even go through the withdrawal that = comes from=20 your body getting used to being on morphine!

    I KNOW this is my miracle. I don't know if = it will be=20 permanent, but I am thanking God so often, with tears of joy, with = awareness of=20 how differently I think, of all the other things I can think about now = that my=20 mind isn't consumed by pain, I'm just really weak. I'm sure God will = help me get=20 stronger, too, if that is His will. I am doing my best to improve my = life. The=20 sun just seems so much brighter now. Even the bedroom seems lighter! I = wish I=20 had the words for how it is to come out of level 8 pain for 10 years to=20 FREEDOM!

    I have to get help to get stronger now, = after being in=20 bed for so many years, and not eating. My normal diet makes my body = thinks its=20 starving, so it won't burn any calories. I have been too = weak/nauseated/in pain=20 to get food,so usually I have a yogurt for breakfast, a piece of toast = for=20 lunch, and a piece of fruit at bedtime. Been doing that for years. Once = in a=20 while I'll have 1 chocolate in a day (diabetic so I don't eat a whole = chocolate=20 bar). I have to figure out how to get the strength to get food. Vicious = cycle.=20 Need food to be strong, need strength to get food.

I WENT SHOPPING AND IT WAS LIKE

THE=20 FIRST CHRISTMAS FOR A CHILD!

Let me=20 copy from a letter I sent my husband:

HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY!!!

Well not so happy for you,

but=20 maybe a blessed second anniversary!!!

Hi = my=20 sunshine

     I had such a nice experience today = that all I=20 could think of is how I wished you were there to share it with me. I = must REALLY=20 be in love, because I want you with me when I'm sad, and the wonderful = day =20 I had today seemed almost empty without you to share it with. =

    I went to the new store they built here in = town. I've=20 told you about it before, its the biggest store-chain (set of stores = world wide=20 with the same name) on earth, and now this is the biggest building to = buy things=20 in Alberta! (other than the malls.) I used a scooter, I bet it would be = 10=20 kilometers to walk up and down every aisle. When I went to the grocery = (food)=20 part, and I could not believe it!!! I think I just saw every fruit and = vegetable=20 ever grown on earth! Things I never saw before and don't know what to = with, but=20 hope to learn, and foods from every country, and every food I ever saw=20 advertised on TV from any country, even things that have never been in = Canada=20 before, and even one brand of halal frozen dinners, and about 25 kinds = of rice=20 and I can't stop talking. lol.

    My eyes lit up like a little child on his = first=20 Christmas...or a person who lived in the desert or the country his whole = life=20 that just made his first trip to the city. My heart was so full. I have = not been=20 out to a park or shopping for so many years...and to go when the = Christmas=20 season is starting was just a joy!

    I think I experienced a bit of what you will = feel when=20 you come here. So much to see and hear and smell all at once, so much to = take=20 in, like a whole new life and new planet, so many different things I = never saw=20 before, things I didn't know existed on earth. But there was so much to = choose=20 from, I went home with almost nothing, because I was so overwhelmed with = choices=20 that I could not choose!! So I am thankful that I had that experience so = I will=20 understand a little bit of how you will feel. It is very tiring. My = Korean=20 sister in law had to take many rests because the new culture and = thinking=20 and adjusting to new things every minute is very hard for the first = couple of=20 months.

   The=20 Christmas season has started and the store was playing music and colored = lights=20 were everywhere. I was so filled with joy I almost cried. All the = Christmas=20 gifts were there which are not there for the rest of the year and prices = are=20 cheaper and in that store, you can buy everything from a bicycle to a = wedding=20 ring to shirts to food. An immigrant could come here with nothing but = the=20 clothes on his back and his money, and buy EVERYTHING he needs to set up = his=20 apartment and life. TV, phone, insurance, eyeglasses, clothes, = furniture, paint,=20 decorating services, food, medicine, appliances, things even I have = never seen=20 before! That's hard to find! (Hard to find something that you can = buy that=20 I have never seen before).

    When I got home I had to rest a = while but =20 nothing like the past few years.

    I told my pharmacist about how well I've = felt for 3=20 days, and he knows about you coming, and he said "I bet you were walking = around=20 with that infection in your whole body for years, those idiot doctors! = And maybe=20 that is why God was delaying your husband's visa, He was waiting until = your=20 health problem was found and taken care of, so you could help your = husband when=20 he gets here." That's an interesting thought. I guess we will only = know=20 the real reason when we meet Him when we die.

     Gosh, 3 days no pain, getting dressed = nicely,=20 going shopping,going to the park, getting 1 week worth of = work done=20 in 1 day...thanking God with all my heart every few minutes...wow! I = want you=20 here to share my joys. I want you out of that war zone. Who would have = EVER=20 dreamed that the peaceful valley spoken of for eons, Shangri-La, hidden = in the=20 Himalayan mountains, the Switzerland of the area, would EVER become a = city where=20 the Taliban and Pakistan Army would start a fight among peaceful people? = I get=20 news articles every few hours online and they all say the same "The = scenic=20 valley" ;"the restive resort valley of ancient acclaim" ; "if war = came to=20 SWAT, then there is no safe place left on earth".

     I know SWAT was an independent country = a short=20 while ago, and a white man never saw SWAT until 1910. Now after being = abused by=20 Pakistan for 25 years they want to be independent again. I love that = your area=20 has their own laws, culture, habits, different way of thinking. I can = understand=20 why people there get angry when they are called "Pakistani", because = their laws=20 and women's rights and EVERYTHING is different in SWAT.

     Lately there has been set up a curfew. = From noon=20 to midnight, people can go out and shop and go to work etc. safely, then = from=20 midnight to noon, those who are fighting each other come out and there = is war.=20 That is the most CIVIL war I ever heard of! If you can get even evil = murderous=20 Taliban to obey a rule and not shoot or bother people for those 12 hours = a day,=20 that does say something good for the Muslim religion, even the worst of = them. It=20 will be AMAZING if they obey the rules!


I = want you in my=20 arms, I want you to be in this wonderful safe place God = allowed me to=20 be born in. I wish my lawyer would reply to my letters. I hope to = communicate=20 somehow with you soon. I trust that God is protecting you, even when I = can't=20 hear from you. I hope communications will be restored soon. Why did = God=20 make me tie my heart to a man in such a place and position as this? Such = a long=20 wait, so much worry, enough to dissolve a person mind and body. Just = more drama=20 for the book we will write about our DRAMATIC love story!

Love,=20 Wifey"

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 3:12=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 miracles, pain,=20 prayer

Monday, November 12, 2007

PRAYER=20 FOR GUIDANCE AND PROTECTION TO THOSE I LOVE

Oh Heavenly=20 Father, our protector and guide, You are the greatest = Friend=20

and joy we have! To be able to come to You in = prayer like=20 this is the

most beautiful part of our lives!

It is not for myself that I want to pray today, = dear=20 Father, but for

those who are near and dear to me and about whom = I worry.=20 You know

what they are facing, dear Father. And You know = most of all=20 the deepest

reasons why these things have come upon them! =

And You know how I want to help. Truly I think it = would be=20 easier if I

could only face what they are facing. But You = know how=20 helpless we are

to help another even though we know what is just = and right.=20

Only You are left, dear Father. Do be with them = in all=20 things at all times.

Protect them from enemies and evil, my Father. = Forgive them=20 their

sins and put love of others in their hearts. =

Oh do make them happy in their lives at home, = dear Father,=20 and help them

live as You wouldst have them live. Above all, = put in=20 their hearts

Love for You.

And thank You, my Father, for Your goodness to = them and to=20 me. Thank You

for Your love and guidance and protection! May we = honor you=20 all the days

of our lives. And be happy and uplifted even as I = feel=20 right now!

Amen.

-- Author Unknown=20 =

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 6:49=20 PM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

BIG= =20 MIRACLE!

=20

HI all my loved ones! I was = afraid to=20 blog this yesterday, in case my superstition would chase away the good = news, but the=20 night after I blogged that prayer and was in so much pain, I WOKE UP = WITH NO=20 PAIN! NOT EVEN THE PAIN THAT I HAVE HAD TO TAKE PAIN MEDICINE FOR 10 = YEARS FOR!!=20 I don't know how long it will last, but I am doing as much as possible = to get=20 some things done that didn't get done for the few weeks that I couldn't = even=20 raise my head! I know if I overdo I'll be back at step one, flat on my = back, but=20 I just have to tell the world! I have only had about 5 days pain free in = 10=20 years. What if all these years, this horrible weakness and pain = throughout my=20 body was an infection that had gone into my blood system? I get fevers = with=20 lupus anyway, so having a fever wouldn't mean anything to me. My tooth = or jaw=20 never hurt, so I couldn't know it was infected. In my NDE I was told = that I was=20 protected from the "destroyer" until my purpose on earth was finished, = and I saw=20 images that even if I got hurt or had poison, I would still live through = it,=20 even if it caused suffering (seemed like a curse) until my work is done. = I many=20 times begged God to show me my work so I could get it done and get out = of that=20 painful body that is becoming more and more sensitive to light, sound = and=20 emotional stress all the time. I kept getting the words "to lift and to = cheer=20 others", but it will take a long time to understand how I can do that = when my=20 sense of humor has almost left me, and I can't be out and around with = people and=20 be entertaining them or even have big parties with them to cheer them. = One time=20 I did get the impression that just by others seeing how I live, it makes = them=20 grateful for their own lives, so in a negative process, I was sort of = making=20 them more cheerful.

** GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT = IT FEELS=20 LIKE TO HAVE NO PAIN! WOOHOOOO! So this is what normal people = feel like? I=20 am going to get off the computer and go do things that I have not been = able to=20 do for a long time, and I am eager to see how long it lasts, though I am = still=20 weak from being in bed for so many years. You think a person would get = used to=20 pain, having it all the time, but you never never do. I guess you do a = bit,=20 because the pain that used to send me to the hospital is now pain I = function=20 with every day. OK bye....going to the mall or the park or = get some=20 work done! THANK=20 YOU HEAVENLY FATHER A MILLION TIMES FOR THIS TASTE OF=20 FREEDOM!

May you all get a taste of a = miracle!

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 11:01=20 AM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, God, healing, joy, lupus,=20 medication, miracles, pain,=20 pain control, prayer, thankfulness

Sunday, November 11, 2007

REMEMBRANCE=20 DAY IN CANADA

=20

Vimmy Canadian Memorial=20

=20
ON THIS, THE 11TH HOUR OF THE 11TH DAY OF THE 11TH = MONTH,WHEN=20 WORLD WAR 2 WAS WON, I WANT TO RECOGNIZE THOSE WHO FOUGHT OR FELL SO = THAT WE MAY=20 ENJOY OUR LIFESTYLE, IN THAT WAR, AND IN EVERY WAR BEFORE AND = SINCE.

BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 10:45=20 AM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Dear=20 Father, help me

Couldn't = lift my=20 head all day. Had enough water beside me to take pills, but made a big = mess=20 because I couldn't lift my head when drinking. So frustrated. So much = pain. Just=20 want to disappear. God please make this stop. Please let me start a new = life,=20 (there's SO MUCH I WANT TO DO!!!) or please take me home. I can't beat = level 10+=20 pain much longer, alone, and can't bear the thought of not being helpful = to=20 anyone. Please God, make it stop. Hold me, comfort me, help me, remind = me you=20 love me. *sob* Bless everyone in my life, thankyou for my many many = luxuries and=20 blessings. I know things could be worse. Please talk to me Father in = Heaven,=20 comfort me, strengthen me. I love you so much. In the name of = your precious=20 son, Amen

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 10:18=20 PM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Planning=20 A Whole New Life

Written Nov 8?Don't know what = day it=20 is.

   When this war is = over, and=20 my husband is with me, when this pain becomes bearable, I still have the = picture=20 in my mind of the person I wanted to become. I remember even at 12, at = 15, at=20 25, at 35, an exact image in my mind of the person I wanted to become. = At 21=20 when I had my first near death experience, I was so disappointed that I = had not=20 yet become that person, that I told the spirit who talked to me how = ashamed I=20 was. I told him I would not go back to earth if I could not even take = care of my=20 family or serve the Lord the way I was sent to earth to do. He showed me = the=20 woman I would become. Wise, smiling, warm, loving, and loved in return. = I told=20 the spirit I would have to stick around just to see that happen, because = I could=20 barely believe I would become that person. I was almost glowing! Honest, = a loyal=20 friend to all, close to Heavenly Father, and satisfied with what I had, = whether=20 it was a little or a lot. I saw my husband with me, so when he = left me at=20 age 37, I couldn't believe my whole life's plan, myself, God's promise = to me had=20 been destroyed as if in a bomb. I had a nervous breakdown, and = everything about=20 me changed, except for my love for my Heavenly Father. I even forgot the = person=20 I wanted to become. Now, 10 years later, I can see that person = again.=20

     It's 10 days now of this pain. I had to look it = up one more=20 time just to make sure I was not creating this pain somehow myself. As = in most=20 websites, it says

"TN = (Trigeminal=20 Neuralgia) is a nerve disorder of unknown origin that causes sudden = shock-like=20 facial pains, typically near=20 the nose, lips, eyes or ears. It is said to be the most=20 excruciatingly painful human condition in the=20 world."

   No, I = guess I am not=20 being as big of a baby as I blame myself of being. Then when we add=20 complications from the oral surgery, with infection from my sinus, to = jaw, down=20 to glands in the neck, and the skin graft to go over the hole, which was = taken=20 from the area of the damaged nerve, then the dentist giving me the wrong = antibiotic for 3 weeks, so I had a short time of getting stronger, and = then came=20 the time when I can barely lift my head off my pillow. I stayed away = from the=20 E.R. because I hate going so much. I don't want to ask anyone, and when = you go=20 alone, they are so cruel, as if they want to scare you from coming = again,=20 because "obviously", if you come alone, you must not be very sick. = I guess=20 they can't imagine that someone has no friends in the city, and their = family are=20 all too sick. I thank heaven that this time the doctors were quick and = kind.=20

    I lay here and think "THERE CAN NOT BE SUCH = HORRIBLE=20 PAIN THAT LASTS SO LONG! How can it be possible?" I asked my Dr. = yesterday=20 if this is what his cancer of the jaw felt like. He said that his jaw = cancer was=20 terrible pain, but still its not as bad as what I am going through." I = told him=20 I was praying it was a temporary infection, because if its permanent, I = will=20 want to chop off my head and I will understand how TN = patients=20 sometimes go out of their mind and run into traffic or do other = things=20 accidentally, or maybe even on purpose. That's why its called the = suicide=20 disease.

   =20 I pictured what cancer patients look like at the very = end,=20 moaning, writhing in pain, no amount of morphine is enough for the pain. = They=20 can't think anymore, or eat, or even be called "living". So how do they = deal=20 with THEIR pain? Does their heart just stop from too much pain? = Sometimes, but=20 more often, more morphine is given to try to ease the pain, until = eventually the=20 morphine is what causes the body to shut down, not the cancer pain. = Usually it=20 is made easier because there is a loved one nearby who cares. There is=20 someone

nearby to help with=20 a drink of water or to be washed or to get brought medicine, or a hot or = cold=20 pack for the pain, or kind words, or to be read to, or to turn on music. = They=20 are not there completely alone like I am. I want my husband with me, but = I don't=20 want him to suffer by being with a sick wife, or suffer because he = doesn't=20 know how to care for himself in this society yet. I think I would = feel much=20 worse for making someone else suffer, so it is better that I struggle = alone. I=20 know God is with me, but at times like this, you sometimes need someone = with=20 hands and skin to be with.

   =20 Mom is upstairs, but she is sick too. I won't bother her about this = pain. Every=20 other day or so, she comes to see if I need some ensure nutrition drink. = She is=20 much better to me now. Until about 7 months ago, she would not even = check on me=20 when I went unconscious for more than 2 days from diabetes, and never in = her=20 life had brought me a glass of water, but now we are more caring of each = other=20 WHEN WE CAN BE. Often her pain is too bad to think of anything but the = pain=20 also.

   =20 My oldest daughter wants to disown me, so I won't see her children = either, so I=20 have not figured out the joy of having children yet. I get joy from = hearing=20 about the antics of my youngest's little one, but I won't be seeing her = or her=20 children either, unless I get well and wealthy, so I'm losing reasons to = stick=20 around. I know its just the pain talking. I can't even lift my head. I'm = thankful my monitor is beside my bed and my keyboard and mouse are on my = bed.=20

    = In July, when=20 I was told I had 1 year to live, I started a new journey for myself. One = of=20 learning to be the kind of person I used to be. To be positive and = courageous=20 and funny and encouraging, the person I was before the divorce, before=20 everything in me was destroyed. It was as if my ex had pulled the pin on = a hand=20 grenade, opened my mouth, closed it, let it go off inside me, like in a = cartoon,=20 and smoke came out my ears, and everything in me was destroyed, and my = ex walked=20 away laughing, and I was left standing there, expecting to heal all the = pieces=20 myself, since he took me from my family in another country and only let = me see=20 them 4 times in 20 years. Then his family, most of whom that I loved so = much,=20 and took them as my family, immediately stopped talking to me, as if I = was the=20 adulteress, as if he was innocent. I didn't even see it coming. Now, 10 = years=20 later, I am rebuilding, but it seems so slowly.

   The = world has=20 changed. Attitudes have changed. Physical health has changed. People = dress more=20 casual, work more hours, have single parent households, and don't seem = have time=20 to teach their children or spend time with them. Marriages have become = so very=20 selfish, so they break up easier.

    = If a spaceship=20 from another planet visited Earth in the 1960s, then returned now, they = would=20 probably say "Well, it looks like the same place on the map, but it just = CAN'T=20 be the same planet. NOTHING is the same! It's so dark and dirty and the=20 creatures are so much lower and have no civilization or manners or = kindness."=20

    = The kind of=20 person I wanted to be wanted to go everywhere, see everything, learn = everything,=20 speak every language, hear every song, every story, smell every flower, = taste=20 every food, get to know every culture, completely design my own home, = design=20 even the fabrics, furniture, dishes, clothes, carpets, and take care of = my=20 husband like he was a prince. Well that one I DID achieve. He did not = have to do=20 anything...and now that I burned out my body on him, the new wonderful = man that=20 God has sent me, will not get that kind of attention that he deserves. = The poor=20 man. He deserves so much more than I can give him. My ex wore me out = then threw=20 me away like a used Kleenex.

    = Now I can see=20 the purpose for the divorce, and now I love so much stronger, see things = so much=20 clearer, and God sent me a soul mate that I had so much in common with, = that I=20 could never have found him without God sending him to me. He is such a=20 wonderful, loving man, who loves God as much as I do, and God knew = that's what I=20 wanted was someone who loved God like I do. He is from a different = culture, so=20 he does not think of divorce the way others do, so quickly. He knows = marriage=20 CAN be for life, because that's the only way its done in his culture. = Its=20 terrifying to marry and have a long distance relationship, but there is = a=20 purpose, and it is a growing experience. I want to write a book about = our=20 dramatic love story. Its so dramatic, people will think its fiction, but = reality=20 is so much more unbelievable than fiction sometimes. We appreciate every = moment=20 with each other, because he could die at any time from war, and I could = die at=20 any time from illness, so our love is more intense.

     They say=20 time heals all wounds. Time heals NOTHING. It is only working on your = feelings,=20 working out how to get strong again, and overcome your traumas that = changes=20 things. If you don't do these things, then 20 years later you could = still be=20 stuck in the same place as the day the trauma happened.

     I did=20 that kind of work on myself, and having someone love me unconditionally = helped=20 immensely also.

    = I was=20 hyperactive and wanted to do everything perfectly, and take care of = people as a=20 nurse, and entertain guests, and dance and sing and act and every year = have a=20 different occupation so I could learn more and more.

    = In that first=20 near death experience, When I said I didn't want to go back to earth if = I would=20 only be useless and couldn't serve the Lord, the spirit told me "Even if = it got=20 to the point that you were completely bedridden, the Lord would find a = way for=20 people to be sent to you so you could help them." This was long before = home=20 computers were invented. I never imagined the spirit meant that I WOULD = become=20 bedridden. I thought he was giving an example, but you know, I am so = thankful to=20 be living in the days of the internet. I am such a knowledge hog, and I = can=20 learn 24 hours a day from my computer, in my bed, and have friends all = over the=20 world to help. Even if I were rich and healthy, I could not travel the = world to=20 help people like I am doing now.

   I am = eager to start=20 exercising and getting stronger and preparing for my husband to come = home and=20 getting healthy enough to visit my children, and work toward being all = the=20 things I planned to become. Now I probably can't do them with as much = energy as=20 I first planned, but I can still have goals and plans and work on my = weak points=20 and become that woman I have always seen in my mind.

   I hope = the pain=20 eases up soon so I will not be flat on my back, and I can help cook for = mom and=20 Doug, and go see Dad, and get strong enough to serve others, serve God, = and=20 enjoy life.

   Pain = seems to erase=20 all positive thoughts unless there is someone there to remind you, or if = you are=20 able to read something positive. I have about 1 hour a day now that I = can read=20 or write, and that time is almost up, so I will end this novel now.=20

    = I hope soon I=20 can start typing my award winning writing into my blogs. I have = had over=20 100 magazine articles published. I have not written for many years, but = just got=20 old articles re-published in other magazines. I guess this blog is good = to=20 retrain myself to write again.

     Will my=20 husband be allowed out of his country if he gets his visa? Will God help = me to=20 help him? Can't help hubby, mom or Dad, my very generous brother who = needs love=20 so much and doesn't know how to accept it, I am of no use here the way I = am=20 right now. Gosh I'm now too tired to think.

    = Still with the greatest pain I am feeling, I am thankful = that the=20 dentist might have saved my life, by removing the infected tooth. = Without that,=20 I would not be thinking of any future at all. I did get a miracle, even = if it=20 hurts for a while.

Bye = for=20 now.
Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 10:13=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Reply=20 to previous blog and explanation of new unbearable pain

Thankyou C. = This is so=20 thoughtful of you. That's amazing that you remembered where my husband = is and=20 what he does there! I get google's news reports with any news article in = English=20 about Mingora. They come about every 2 hours. I'd better have Fazal = check to see=20 if our lawyer is safe. We have needed one to get him home. His company = refuses=20 to let him come home because they can't find a replacement, and they = have ways=20 to stop him. he was supposed to be home in February, and I had a hotel = room=20 reserved for a honeymoon type vacation and everything, then found out he = would=20 not be let to leave. We should get news this week about when he will be = coming=20 or what's going on that is being kept secret from us, etc. I pass over = most of=20 the email news articles, some are very gory with stories of beheadings = for no=20 reason of people walking to get milk, etc. (which my husband has seen). = I know=20 he won't be the same person when he gets home, but we will work it out = with=20 God's help. He saw barber shops bombed by the extremists who want the = men to not=20 shave, (so close to his house that the bomb rubble landed on his = house) and=20 my husband can be killed if his beard doesn't grow fast enough!! People = there,=20 (my husband and especially children) are getting lung infections = breathing in=20 all the stuff that was in the bombs, and all the material that WAS = bombed. I=20 never thought of this aspect of war before, that people would get sick = from the=20 bombing.) They destroyed 140 shops that sold music CDs. These terrorists = are not=20 only terrorizing the world, they are destroying anyone who is not = "perfect"=20 enough in their own religion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Mom was=20 going to drive me to the Dr. out of town today. I guess I wore her out = by making=20 her go to the hospital 2 days in a row with me, so I drove myself, but = had to=20 pull off to the side of the highway every 5 minutes and lay down on the = seats=20 and cry, then drive 5 more minutes. I've never known pain like this for = so long,=20 even with all my surgeries and 35 years of lupus which is as painful as = torture=20 at times. The ease in pain helps me deal with thoughts of what my = husband is=20 going through, and likewise, when I know my husband is safe for a few = days when=20 they go somewhere, it eases my pain.

    =20 The Dr. was very kind, I drove back the same way, got to the pharmacy, = then took=20 one of the pills before I drove home. Gosh what a wonderful feeling = being pain=20 free is! I hope with all my heart this is only an infection that will be = temporary, because if this is my new level of pain permanently, I am in = serious=20 trouble,and so is my husband. Even if he has to leave with just the = clothes on=20 his back, I want him out of there. Airports are starting to close, so = I'm=20 praying he CAN get out of there if the judge finds a way to get him = released=20 from Pakistan.

    Thanks=20 for all your kind notes yesterday when I needed so badly to feel another = human=20 being on the other end of the computer line.

HUGS = and blessings,=20
Bluebirdy (who is a little blue=20 lately.)

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 9:38=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Small=20 Idea of My Husband's World

   I belong to a = few email=20 groups, and this letter was sent to the group today. What a kind group = leader to=20 remember what city you are in and your profession.=20
    Below is = the letter he=20 sent the group, and then an article about the city my hubby is = in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Below is an article from yesterday's Canada National Post. This = area
of=20 Pakistan, Swat, is where Bluebirdy's husband works as a = translator.
She has=20 called it "the most dangerous city on earth." I am
posting this = article not=20 for any political discussion but to give you
all some background = about=20 what Bluebirdy and her husband are dealing
with. And of course, = let's=20 keep Bluebirdy's husband in our prayers that
he stay = safe.

C.

Pakistan fighting wrong enemy
Taliban seize post as police = busy=20 beating lawyers
PETER GOODSPEED

As police beat up lawyers = outside=20 courthouses in Pakistan yesterday,
Islamist radicals seized three = police=20 stations and a military post in
the town of Matta in the picturesque = Swat=20 valley, just a few hours'
drive northwest of Islamabad.

The = two images=20 capture the conflict raging in Pakistan.

In Swat, the radicals = hoisted=20 black and white jihadi flags over the
captured security buildings and = vowed=20 to establish a system of shariah
law in the mountainous region = frequently=20 described as the "Switzerland
of South Asia."

Rejecting a=20 British-style justice system they see as foreign,
expensive and = corrupt, the=20 rebels, who regard themselves as Pakistani
Taliban, are determined to = create=20 a thuggish theocratic state.

In urban Pakistan, meanwhile, up to = 3,000 of=20 the country's 12,000
lawyers have been jailed since Saturday as = President=20 Pervez Musharraf
moves to crush all opposition to his declaration of = a=20 national state
of emergency.

The President claimed to put the = country=20 under martial law to stem a
surge in terrorism and = extremism.

However,=20 the chief targets of the security forces during the past four
days = have been=20 Pakistan's Supreme Court, lawyers, opposition
politicians, human = rights=20 activists and a muzzled press.

It is perhaps not surprising that = Gen.=20 Musharraf's crackdown on
"judicial activism" has been counterbalanced = by an=20 expansion of
Taliban influence in the troubled tribal = areas.

Instead=20 of curbing Islamic extremism, the state of emergency may aid
an = insurgency by=20 fighters allied with al-Qaeda and the Taliban. As
security forces = beat and=20 gas pro-democracy and pro-Western dissidents,
they have little energy = or time=20 for counterinsurgency operations.

Instead of hunting terrorists, = police=20 are focused on arresting lawyers
who object to suspension of the rule = of=20 law.

Yet after eight years in power with virtually no=20 restraints,
Pakistan's military has done little to quash discontent = in the=20 tribal
areas bordering Afghanistan.

In that time, domestic = terrorism=20 has increased. Foreign and homegrown
jihadis flocked to sanctuaries = in=20 northwestern Pakistan, where alQaeda
and a resurgent Taliban plot and = prepare=20 for a comeback.

The military has suffered a series of humiliating = defeats=20 at the hands
of radicals, whose latest victory in Swat came when more = than=20 two
dozen police and soldiers offered no resistance.

After = being=20 paraded in public and declaring they "did not want to
fight these = Muslim=20 brothers who are striving for the enforcement of
Islamic shariah," = they were=20 allowed to go home.

It's a pattern that's been repeated since = August,=20 when more than 250
government troops surrendered to a smaller group = of=20 terrorists in
Waziristan without firing a shot.

There are = suggestions=20 the mass surrenders indicate the military's
growing disillusionment = with Gen.=20 Musharraf. Reluctant to fight their
fellow countrymen in a war that = is=20 portrayed as something ordered by
Washington, some rank-and-file = soldiers=20 simply give up.

Senior officers have always been ambivalent about = fighting Islamist
radicals. Many still regard the Taliban as former = allies=20 and a hedge
against U.S. and Indian influence in = Afghanistan.

As a=20 result, the homegrown terrorists who have hidden Osama bin Laden
and = the=20 Taliban's top leaders since 2001 are no longer restricted to
the = untamed=20 border regions. They have infiltrated more settled areas
and the = largest=20 cities.

In Swat, a previously quiet tourist district, fighters = respond to=20 the
exhortations of Maulana Fazlullah, a former madrassa student=20 who
rallies supporters through his pirate FM radio = station.

His=20 followers, backed by fighters from Uzbekistan, Afghanistan = and
Waziristan,=20 have succeeded in driving government authority from the
region. They = have=20 closed a half-dozen girls' schools and regularly set
up checkpoints = and=20 direct traffic.

They have set fire to shops selling Western music = and=20 Indian films and
beaten barbers who shave beards. More recently they = blew up=20 one of
Swat's top tourist attractions =E2=80=94 a 1,300-year-old = carving of a=20 seated
Buddha cut into a 45-metre-high rock face.

"The = military-led=20 government will be hard put to show results and
convince the world = and the=20 Pakistani people that enforcement of the
emergency has paid dividends = and=20 helped make gains against the
militants," an editorial in the Karachi = newspaper Dawn predicted
yesterday.

"The world would not be = wrong in=20 coming to the conclusion the generals
used the war on terror as a = ploy to=20 strengthen their stranglehold over
the=20 country."

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 9:32=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Quie= t=20 Time

Hello all; Been laying in intolerable pain for 8 days. I got a break = for 1=20 day so I could shower and wash clothes, then next day (yesterday) it was = even=20 worse. I started my third batch of antibiotics which are suposed to be = the strongest=20 there is (zithromax).=20 I waited here in pain for so long, unable to eat or get a drink, just = sipping=20 water with my pills. Morphine didn't even work, so called my Dr. and he = told me=20 to go to the E.R. The ambulance came, mom followed in the car. When you = go alone=20 to the hospital here, they are very mean and I wish I had a mini = recorder on me.=20 There were insults and snyde remarks and trying to start a fight = and I could=20 barely think, then when mom was finally allowed in to be with me, they = were=20 kind, because there was a witness there, so they dared not say anything. = I was=20 so happy that this is the first time in 10 years that they treated me = quickly,=20 took my pain seriously, called my family Dr. They decided the antibiotic = was the=20 wrong one, it should never be used in dental infections, it can even = make the=20 situation worse, and they told me to tell the dentist not to use it = anymore. The=20 Dr. said he gave me more painkiller than he had ever given anyone in his = career,=20 due to my high pain/drug tolerance and the nature of the pain. Trigeminal = neuralgia is=20 enough, it is called the suicide disease, then add on top of that bone = pain,=20 infection, skin graft right from area of the nerve, and lupus causing = infection,=20 and I was out of my head. He gave me a shot, then some pills to get me = through=20 the night until I could see my Dr. today. Called my Dr. today and he was = not in=20 the office, so I will see him tomorrow. I had to go bak to the ER = today, same=20 routine, the ambulance men were quite rude, and told me "we can't keep = treating=20 you!" I was so out of my head in pain that I thought.."If I can't get = treatment=20 when I am in this kind of pain, then I understand how people just kill=20 themselves or walk out into traffic. YOU CAN NOT LIVE IN THAT KIND OF = PAIN! I=20 was = writhing and=20 rolling in pain and sobbing and my nerves were shot after so many days = of that=20 pain, so I was extra sensitive to every bump, every sound, light, etc. I = could=20 not even sit up for 8 days for more than a minute without almost passing = out.=20 The only reason I am able to type now is because of the painkillers = which are=20 stronger than morphine. Tomorrow I will go out of town to my Dr. by = laying on=20 the back seat of the car. I hope the new antibiotics kick in soon and = help. If=20 they don't, it means the problem is something different than infection. = I did=20 feel like I would die, then thought of my husband in such danger, and = wondered=20 if one of us might die before we meet, and that this we are supposed to = find out=20 more about the visa, and maybe even both of us will die and have to meet = in the=20 spirit world. I don't know. Everything seems so dramatic in this pain = and with=20 family problems and every other problem, got credit cards used by = fraudsters and=20 about 5 other financial problems that must be straightened out. Just too = much=20 stress to handle in this condition. Will write more later. Blessings, = Sheila

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 7:43=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Set=20 Clocks Back tonight...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy your extra hour of = sleep=20 tomorrow morning. ;o)

~~~~~~~~~~

Time is = free,=20

and it is=20 priceless.

You can't = own=20 it,

but you can=20 use it.

You can't = keep=20 it,

but you can=20 spend it.

Once you've=20 lost it,

you can = never=20 get

it back ...

~*~ Harvey=20 MacKay

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 1:50=20 AM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Friday, November 2, 2007

EXTENDING=20 MY LIFE EXPECTANCY

** Yesterday and today I have been laying flat, almost impossible to = sit up,=20 even with all my strong pain meds. I didn't know a person could stay = conscious=20 through this.Why is it that I go unconscious from high or loow blood = sugar when=20 my pain level is fine, and I could be using that time to get things = done, but=20 then when the pain is so severe that I can't believe a person can bear = so much=20 pain, I can't go to sleep even if I intentionally raise my blood sugar? = It seems=20 so cruel! **SOMETHING IRONIC **I learned something more about my health = that=20 indicated that I should have only 3 years to live. I held my head (which = felt=20 like it was going to explode), and tried not to laugh. My odds are = getting=20 better! Up until yesterday I had up to ONE year to live." ROFL. I plan = to keep=20 increasing the amount of years and health! I think Dr. Oz's book about = simple=20 ways to heal all our damage and care for ourselves, ways that have been = known=20 since the beginning of the human race, and only forgotten/not taught in = the past=20 few generations."You: Staying Young" by Dr. Oz. He has a bunch of other = books=20 too. I really hate the modern medical system and have been abused by = doctors,=20 but Dr. Oz talks more about natural healing, prevention, how the body = works=20 naturally, how to help it work at full capacity without drugs, etc. I = will=20 probably go through the library to get them. I'm going broke on books, = and most=20 libraries will order books for you if they don't have them, either = through intra-library = loan, or=20 buying it. They are given a budget each year and if they don't spend it = all, it=20 gets cut for the next year, so they usually buy the item you want and = then you=20 are the first to read it. **So? We are all going to die, and no one knows = when. We=20 could have a fatal accident. The amount of time does not matter. Its HOW = you=20 live that matters. Live in the moment. Enjoy things that you are=20 seeing/smelling/touching/learning/hearing now. We all may leave this = world=20 within 10 years anyway due to the second coming of the Lord and the=20 resurrection. I think it doesn't matter too much how much time you have = left...I=20 have never been afraid of death...but I have wished I had more help with the pain = and with=20 daily living needs and isolation. I've learned a lot through this scare = of being=20 told my life might be shortened. I am practicing not worrying...I am = still=20 working on that one, but the books about "how to live as if you are = dying" and=20 "ONE YEAR TO LIVE" AND "Man's search for meaning" really have helped = make life=20 make more sense. **This week my hubby and I will hear from = immigration=20 about whether he can come or not, so we are eager to hear about that. I = WANT HIM=20 OUT OF THAT WAR/POVERTY ZONE! He is so brave, intelligent, loving, high = morals,=20 loves God, he could go so far if he could get out of there.I want to = spend=20 whatever time we have left together...and if possible, time after the=20 resurrection also. We will see what God's will is on the matter when we = get the=20 letter from immigration. I know we all are too stressed. I hope we can = all learn=20 to handle stress and enjoy our lives. I love the saying "Be kind to = others; they=20 are hurting and just trying to survive, just like yourself." Blessings = to you=20 all, I pray regularly for all of those who are in my life, Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 6:38=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Future=20 of Hope to Heal All Our Diseases Ourselves!

The 2=20 stars "**" Means "new line or new paragraph", since I can't get this = blog to=20 break off onto a new line.

**Since my "death = sentence"=20 in July, I have been reading voraciously every book, website, DVD, = newsletter,=20 email group, chatroom I can about the alternative treatments, natural = healing,=20 that teach that we can learn to tap into our resources to heal our own = bodies.=20 Now here is more news from a modern medicine Dr. that approaches the = same=20 subject, from the physical angle, not just spiritual/energetic=20 angle.

________________

**Did any of you see Oprah = yesterday?=20 Wow what a show. Part 2 is on Monday the 5th of Nov. Dr. Oz and another = Dr. said=20 that people have forgotten the very basics of taking care of themselves, = and=20 that all "aging" is, is damage to your body, and he has used common = sense to=20 teach us how to heal all the damage in our bodies. He called it an = anti-aging=20 plan. Its 2 parts, so more on Monday. They started by saying that we = could live=20 to 100 + years old.

**Personally, I was thinking = "I do NOT=20 want to live to 100 in this kind of pain and helplessness", but then he = went on=20 and told how to get feeling so good physically AND mentally, so that you = WILL=20 want to live longer! Go to www.oprah.com to read more about Dr. Oz's = show.=20 When you see the title of their book 'You: = Staying Young" click = on it,=20 and when you see the pic of the book, there are 3 headings under it. = When you=20 click on them, they gives info that was on the show and in the=20 book.

**From=20 the website:

**Dr.=20 Michael Roizen and Dr. Mehmet Oz wrote a series of books. = One is=20 "You: The Owner's manual" they showed=20 us how bodies work in general, and in YOU: On a Diet, they = explained=20 how bodies lose weight and stay fit; both books have sold in the = millions.=20 Now, in YOU: Staying Young, the doctors are going to talk to = you about=20 what happens as your body ages. As with their previous books, they've=20 conducted tireless research and will introduce fascinating and crucial = information in an unforgettable way. ** Most = people think=20 of the aging of our bodies the same way we think of the aging of our = cars: The=20 older we get, it's inevitable that we're going to break = down=E2=80=94it could be in=20 just a few ways or it could be in dozens of ways. Most of us hold this = notion=20 that once we reach 40 or so, we begin the slow and steady decline of = our=20 minds, our eyes, our ears, our joints, our arteries, our libido, and = every=20 other system that affects the quality of life (and how long we live = it). **But=20 according to Dr. Roizen and Dr. Oz, that's a mistake. Aging isn't a = decline of=20 our systems. It's actually very purposeful. The very systems and = biological=20 processes that age us are actually designed to help us when we're a = little bit=20 younger. So what's our role as part of the aging population? To learn = how=20 those systems work, so we can reprogram them to work the way they did = when we=20 were younger. Your goal should be: Die young at any age. That means = you live a=20 high quality of life (with everything from working joints to working = genitals)=20 until the day you die. Because the doctors' real goal isn't just to = make you=20 live longer; it's to allow you to maintain vibrancy throughout your = entire=20 life. "

**Dr. Oz=20 and Dr. Michael Roizen teach simple methods to take care of your body, = that no=20 one ever taught you. The older generations knew these things, but with = modern=20 medicine and broken families, parents stopped teaching these things, and = the=20 doctors stopped learning them or teaching them, because if everyone was = healthy,=20 the medical system would fall and cause the economy to collapse. Doctors = would=20 not have a job. The medical schools don't teach prevention and healthy = living,=20 they teach anatomy and pharmacy an surgery...so they can keep selling = high price=20 drugs/procedures to keep the economic system going.

** You can = now get a=20 new blood test called a biotest. It tests everything that's going on in = your=20 body including what diseases you might have a tendency to get (DNA = testing), It=20 tests what damage has been done in your body over the years, and Dr. Oz = has very=20 simple natural remedies of how to heal those damages. (I don't think a = blood=20 test can tell certain things like a damaged muscle or a torn cartilage = or other=20 things that are not associated with your blood.) It's not a common test = yet, and=20 costs $1400 to $3400, but its worth it because the results of your = biotest will=20 be given to you in a book about you, your chemistry, your body's = weaknesses,=20 damage, tendencies to get inherited diseases or those brought on by = environment=20 and diet and lifestyle; and simple ways to heal all of it. People were = not this=20 sick 100 years ago. Even back in Bible times, people were generally = healthy and=20 lived for hundreds of years with vibrancy. Oprah's site tells where you = can get=20 the blood test, too.

**He also = said there=20 are very few auto immune diseases like arthritis, lupus, fibro in = India,(1.3=20 billion people) because of the turmeric/curcumin (part of turmeric) in = their=20 curry. Now Dr. Oz = says that=20 no one in India (over 1 billion people) gets Alzheimer's!!! This is also = because=20 of the turmeric/curcumin in their curry! My sister started taking it in = tablets=20 for her arthritis pain, she'll be happy to know it prevents Alzheimer's = too!=20 (Especially since our Dad has it.)

**I hope = you will=20 have a great day!! Try to catch part 2 of Oprah on Monday Nov 5. He even = talks=20 about cures/preventions for fatal diseases.

**Blessings,Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 2:42=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Opposition=20 In All Things

We must endure the sorrow to = appreciate=20 the joy.

There will be both = joy and sorrow=20 in each of our lives, often each are in the same degree at the same = time, to=20 balance life out.

I am experiencing = both good news=20 and bad right now . I have sort of a miracle to announce! I am a = bit scared=20 to say it out loud in case its just a temporary improvement or in case I = jinx=20 myself and make the problem return...but if it IS a miracle and gift = from God, I=20 would be TRULY ungrateful not to acknowledge it and share it with = others.=20

In July I shared with = you all=20 that I was told I had 1 year or so to live due to lupus damage to my = heart, well=20 a few weeks ago I had an extensive oral surgery, had a tooth and jaw = that had=20 been infected for years and I didn't know it, they pulled the tooth = which had=20 crooked roots so it broke my jaw which was deteriorated from infection, = but it=20 looks as if this tooth is what damaged my heart and almost killed me! = Doctors=20 couldn't find it in MRIs, CT = scans,=20 blood tests, I never felt a toothache, so I am thanking my dentist for = saving my=20 life. Now that the tooth is gone and we are treating the infection, I am = getting=20 stronger and stronger! I rarely need oxygen or my walker anymore, which = I used=20 for 5 years!!! A TOOTH almost destroyed my heart and almost killed me! = Can you=20 believe it??? What is an even more wonderful coincidence, is that this = week my=20 hubby is supposed to get news about when he can come home from overseas. = If the=20 papers say he can come home, then the Lord had perfect timing (as usual) = to=20 improve my health just a month before his return and to show me hope, = that I=20 will gain enough strength to help him and be the help and wife he = needs!!! I=20 know the lupus and fibro = are not YET=20 cured,

but maybe the Lord = will do that=20 soon too! I have to hope. In the meantime, I need a virtual hug. Daily = my=20 husband calls me and tells me what is going on in the middle of the war = front.=20 He is in the most dangerous city on earth right now, SWAT, near the = border of=20 Afghanistan and Pakistan, where they are breaking all war rules of the = Geneva=20 convention, and beheading people in the streets. They are killing the = police=20 first, now kidnapping and beheading all government employees.There are 2 = wars=20 going on at the same time. Swat used to be an independent country until = 1979 and=20 now some leaders want it independent again, and at the same time,the = Taliban=20 decided it would be a great place to fight the Pakistani Army because = they are=20 up in the Mountains and there are more places to hide and be strategic = in the=20 mountains, but it has not turned out that they were fighting in the mountains. = They are=20 fighting int he populated areas, killing innocent people. Three members of = my husband's = family have=20 been killed and 1=20 injured so far this month, and still my husband continues to work. I admire him so = much! He will=20 be a changed man when he gets home, but he really has an amazing, = faith-filled=20 attitude when he talks about it. He is on mild tranquilizers to try to = sleep=20 through the bombing and shelling, etc...so am I, and I am thankful for = them in=20 times of war and other overwhelming situations.I am SOOO afraid of war. Some people's = phobias are=20 snakes or death or drowning, mine is war. If I didn't know better, I = would think=20 I was killed in world war 2, then was reincarnated again as a second chance = to have a=20 life, because even when I was 3 years old, in my bedroom, when an = airplane would=20 fly overhead, I would=20 cover my head, thinking they would drop something from the plane or that they could see me = from the=20 plane. When hubby talks about it, it makes me want to jump out of my = skin and=20 run forever. I think God knew I could not bear to go through a war,=20

and having a husband = and son in=20 laws in the war

is too close for me=20 already.

I had my diabetes = under control=20 for over a year, but now hearing about the war and what his family is = suffering=20 is so much stress that the diabetes has started again, along with the = pain and=20 not getting along with one of my daughters, and missing them terribly,=20 especially when I wish I could go help my daughter move and have her new = baby,=20 and I spend a lot of time semi-conscious from too high or too low blood = sugar,=20 so I am trying to=20 get that under control again. There is even a good point about that. = Before the=20 diabetes returned, I could not sleep more than 1.5 hours to 2 hours out = of 24 due to=20 the pain in my face. When I started passing out, I got so much = sleep/rest that=20 my jaw started healing much faster. GOSH stress makes these illnesses = worse, and=20 also fast weather changes, jumps in barometric pressure makes the pain=20 unbearable, to the point of barely being able to function. Did you know = there is=20 no such thing as fibromyalgia or=20 lupus in the third world countries he is in? My husband has been = described my=20 illness to the doctors there, and they have no clue what he is talking = about. I=20 guess they don't have the same toxins in their environment in a third = world=20 country or the same stress and speed of living. Here's a hug for = everyone else=20 who needs it too ((((HUGGGG))))) . I=20 hope you got some smiles from seeing the cute little costumes coming to = the door=20 last night.(Halloween)

Blessings, Bluebirdy

This is interesting! When you click on the website = link below,=20 a world Map comes up showing what strange & dangerous things are = happening=20 right now in every country in the entire world & is updated every = few 300=20 seconds. You can move the map around, zero in on any one area & = actually=20 up-load the story of what is going on. It is amazing when you can see = the things=20 that are happening right here in the U.S., sometimes right in your own = state or=20 even your city. Global Incident Map: There is a lot happening in our = world every=20 minute.

Updates 24/7

http://www.globalincid= entmap.com/home.php=20

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 8:32=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Husband=20 is in danger, prayers appreciated!

=20

Hello=20 all;

I ask a favor of = you please.=20 Please pray for my DH (dear husband, for those not familar with = the terms of=20 DH, DW, = DD, DS, etc) and = the area he=20 lives in. In the middle of the night, I got a call from him saying there = will be=20 a military action taken between the Taliban and the military, so all=20 communications and roads will be cut off to them for a few days, so we = won't be=20 able to reach him by phone or computer or radios of any kind. He bought = extra=20 food to last a few days so they don't have to leave their house. It will = be very=20 dangerous. He has already lost 2 relatives and his family are getting = kidnapping=20 threats, and a man was shot 1 meter away from DH (dear husband) and the = blood=20 splattered all over him. Swat is such a peaceful place, that was an = independent=20 country where Buddha was born. Pakistan somehow overcame the leader of = Swat in=20 1979, so they hate being called "Pakistanis". They have been trying = to=20 peacefully become their own independent country again all these = years, and=20 now the Taliban show up there and bring violence and terror and murder = of=20 innocent victims to a town that has never know violence. I can't believe = the=20 Taliban chose that area to go kill innocent people. I didn't think I = would be=20 involved and so close to people going through war. My sons in law also = are in=20 the military. One served one tour in Iraq and now is being asked to go = do=20 another, and the other son in law will never see battle but he might be = called=20 to do airplane maintenance or be a pilot. He already went to Guam for = that=20 purpose, but since he's only in the reserves, he did not have to stay = long. I=20 remember as a teenager, I prayed not to have boys if they would have to = go to=20 war, but having girls is the same worry, because the boys that marry the = girls=20 are now my "sons". Below is the news story about what I just explained.=20 Bluebirdy

Google News Alert for: Mingora pakistan

Pak. sends 4000 troops to NWFP to counter = pro-Taliban=20 cleric

Hindu - Chennai,India = Additional=20 Frontier Corps troops had been deployed in Mingora, Saidu Sharif and Matta areas of Swat "to reinforce the = local=20 administration and police in ... See all stories on this = topic =

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 3:24=20 PM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Sunday, October 21, 2007

= A BIT=20 ABOUT LOVE

=20

TO = MY=20 HUSBAND

Sweetie I want to = share with you=20 something this man who wrote this book who went through the WW2 = holocaust says=20 about love.

"It just occurred to = me that I=20 didn't know where my wife was. In fact, I didn't even know if she was = alive or=20 dead! I knew only one thing--which I have learned well by now: Love goes = very=20 far beyond just loving the physical body of the beloved. It finds its = deepest=20 meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not one is = present,=20 whether or not he is still alive at all, doesn't seem important. During = all the=20 years of prison life, I could not find out if she was alive, but at that = time,=20 it didn't seem to matter. I still loved her. I knew that. I was still = alive=20 because I could love. There was no need to know if she was alive or not = because=20 nothing could touch the strength of my love, my thoughts, my image of my = beloved. Love goes past death into the eternity. For hours as I stood = hitting=20 the icy ground with my shovel, my thoughts would be with her. I would = ask her a=20 question or tell her something in my mind, and I would imagine what she = would=20 reply to me. More and more I felt like she was present, that she was = with me; I=20 had the feeling that I was able to touch her, able to stretch out my = hand and=20 touch hers.

The feeling was very = strong: she=20 was there. "

-Viktor Frankl "Man's = search for=20 meaning

~~~~~~~~~~~

Honey...that's how it = is when I=20 think of you sometimes. You are in my mind every second, as if you are = here. I=20 wonder what you would say or do every moment as I go through my day. SO = OFTEN I=20 smile, knowing what joy it would be to show you so many new things you = never saw=20 or experienced, and also I get afraid sometimes, knowing that I can't do = all the=20 things you will need...but I am learning slowly, and have to remind = myself, that=20 we can't plan those moments. We just live life as it comes, we deal with = it when=20 it happens. Sweetie, the same way that man felt his wife's hand, when I = hug my=20 "hubby pillow", I AM laying my head on your chest. When we are talking = about=20 intimate things, I DO feel you there. You are real to me. No one could = ever=20 understand how a person could be so close to someone they never met, but = I have=20 met you, I have been with you in every way, and felt you. When people go = through=20 such intense feelings and situations as you and I have had to bear, we = realize=20 that we love more than just the physical person. We love their spirit, = and that=20 lasts through time, and space, and separation, and death. I love you = deeper than=20 most people on earth have ever experienced.

Love, = Wifey

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 2:19=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Wo= rry/anxiety=20

Earlier I=20 sent a post called "Ten Guidelines From God". That message and this one = I just=20 found that I didn't finish writing would have gone very well together. I = should=20 have sent them together. Sharing with = you a=20 message that really fed my spirit. I like "Hour of Power" . One Sunday = Robert=20 Schuller Jr. spoke of "Happiness From Within." These are just a few = parts that I=20 loved enough to keep in my journal. If you want to read the whole = message, go to=20 http://www.hourofpower.org/booklets/bookletdetail.cfm?ArticleID=3D5= 282=20

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything = by prayer=20 and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the = peace of=20 God which transforms all understanding will guard your hearts and your = minds in=20 Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4: 6 & 7)
"It = begins=20 with those powerful words "be anxious for nothing." I can't tell you how = difficult it is for me to live by those words. They are the most = difficult=20 commands or words to follow there is."
Give all your worries and cares to = God,

for he cares about what happens to you. 1 = Peter=20 5:7

It's interesting when you study anxiety.

40% of all people who have = anxiety=20 is related to events that will never happen.
30% of all our anxiety is = regarding=20 situations in the past that cannot be changed.
12% percent is related to = criticism=20 or gossip, which is mostly untrue.
10% is about health, which = gets=20 worse with added stress and anxiety.
8% of anxiety is related = to real=20 problems that we face.
That means 92% of the = anxiety we=20 feel can surely be cured.

Oh Lord, we need Your touch today. Oh Lord, we need Your love today. = Oh Lord,=20 we thank You for sending a garrison of angels to guard our hearts and = our minds=20 in Jesus Christ. Lord, give us the strength to be mindful of Your words = and to=20 be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and petition and=20 thanksgiving, come and allow Your peace to fill our hearts and our = minds. We=20 love You Lord, Amen.

Happy Sabbath; Happy Indian Summer!

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 1:17=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Saturday, October 20, 2007

TEN=20 GUIDELINES FROM GOD

=20

Ten Guidelines From God Effective = Immediately,=20 please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life.=20

These changes need to be completed in = order that=20 I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness = in this=20 life.

I apologize for any inconvenience, but = after all=20 that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you.

Please, follow these 10 guidelines 1. = QUIT=20 WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. = Have you=20 forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for = you? Or do=20 you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way? 2. = PUT IT=20 ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. = No, not=20 YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of = the=20 problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My=20 to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything = you put=20 into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care = of a=20 lot of things for you that you never even realize. 3. TRUST ME: Once = you've=20 given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. = Have the=20 faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your = trials.=20 Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put = it on My=20 list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it = on My=20 list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask. 4. LEAVE IT ALONE: = Don't=20 wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I = think I can=20 handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? = It's=20 simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also = renew your=20 strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you = these=20 problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with = Me and=20 forget about them. Just let Me do my job. 5. TALK TO ME: I want you to = forget a=20 lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and = the=20 fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray = you never=20 forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want = to hear=20 your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your = life. I=20 want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply = you having=20 a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend. 6. HAVE FAITH: = I see a=20 lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have = faith in=20 Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from = My=20 eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your = needs. You=20 only have to trust Me. Although I have a much he bigger task than you, = it seems=20 as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can = trust=20 be? 7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. = When=20 did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less = fortunate=20 than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your = laughter=20 with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears = with=20 those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who = have none.=20 8. BE PATIENT: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could = have so=20 many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have = children,=20 change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, = meet=20 thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient = then=20 when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on = My=20 to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I = created=20 the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always = rush,=20 rush, rush. 9. BE KIND: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much = as I=20 love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the = same way=20 you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. = I=20 created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you = were=20 all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences. 10. LOVE = YOURSELF:=20 As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created = by me for=20 one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of = Love. Love=20 Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache = when I=20 see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very = precious to=20 me. Don't ever forget...... Note: I received this from a friend and I = have no=20 idea who wrote it, but I was so touched by it, that I had to share it = with you.=20 I hope that you will be blessed by it and will share it with others. = Touch=20 someone with your love.

Rather than focus upon the thorns of = life, smell=20 the roses and count your blessings!

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 11:33=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Monday, October 15, 2007

Today=20 was like a gift!!!

=20

I went out of town to my family Dr. He only = works a few=20 afternoons a month, so I can only see him about every 3 months. He is = recovering=20 from mouth cancer, where they removed half his tongue, and replaced one = of his=20 jaws with titanium. Its hard to understand him when he speaks, but you = adapt to=20 his "accent" like you would with every other accent. I = explained=20 to him about the oral surgery and the complications and that I am still = hurting=20 and sick from it. He took a blood test, and found that the infection is = still=20 all throughout my body. I asked him for a pain shot, and he said he = didn't dare=20 even break my skin with a shot, or it would get infected because of the = amount=20 of infection in my body. He = insisted=20 that I increase my pain medicine. He said that bone pain and nerve pain = are the=20 worst pains on earth, and I have them both, and if my body is busy = fighting the=20 pain, it can't fight the infection. I also got super strong antibiotics, = and=20 since he has had horrible mouth/jaw pain, he was VERY good to me! = I = am sure=20 that the pain felt worse when I knew that no matter how bad it got, I = could not=20 get medical help for it, and now that I know that I CAN get help if I = drive to=20 the other city, it eases the pain some. Night before=20 last, I said some things to my hubby that hurt his feelings. I was = expressing my=20 fears by saying that I didn't feel very loved at the moment. He took it = as an=20 insult and was very hurt and angry. That turned into a very emotionally = painful=20 couple of days, and I wasn't even sure if he would forgive me for it. We = talked=20 things out just as I was leaving to go out of town, so it has been a = wonderful=20 day. Its also so pretty outside, our roses are blooming again! Mid = October and=20 our flowers are blooming in Canada! Unheard of! I LOVE IT! Its so pretty = outside, smells so fresh, not too hot or too cold, I would love it to = stay this=20 way all winter. I could really use more good days like this. I hope I = can teach=20 myself to make EVERY day a good, beautiful day. Blessings,=20 Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 8:17=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

When=20 you want to speed up heaven. (and more great articles)

I found an amazing = website for=20 people with chronic illness. These are Christian oriented articles=20 by Lisa Copen, my = fibro=20 group founder, and founder of RestMinistries. Check out all the = other=20 great articles on the left side of the page of these = articles.=20 Even though they are Christian articles, there is a lot of good = information in=20 each article that would help even non-Christians. Look around the whole=20 Restministries site. It is amazing all that is offered = there.

Articles:

When you want to speed up heaven. http://www.restm= inistries.org/art-spbelieve.htm

Being Normal (A = Poem)

http:= //www.restministries.org/ARTICLES/art-beingnormal.htm

6 reasons not to = worry

http://www.restminis= tries.org/art-worry.htm

God doesn't waste = illness

http://www.= restministries.org/art-goddoesntwaste.htm

Finding purpose in the = pain

http://www.restmin= istries.org/art-purpose.htm

10 Choices You Must Make to Live = Successfully with=20 Chronic Illness
http://= www.restministries.org/ARTICLES/art-10choices.htm

Why should we accept our=20 illness?

http://= www.restministries.org/ARTICLES/art-10choices.htm

What a gold=20 mine!!!
ENJOY!
Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 8:01=20 PM 1=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

= Bone=20 Infection

I thought I = should be able=20 to chew even soft things by now. It has been 10 days. I called the = dentist, who=20 told me that bone infections are very difficult to get rid of, sometimes = it=20 takes years to get rid of them. I just sighed. It sure seems to pour all = at=20 once. The heart problem, then oxygen, then being told I couldn't get = medical=20 treatment anymore, then jaw infection/cracked jaw with extraction, with = pain=20 that not even morphine is taking care of. I can't eat or sleep much, = also things=20 needed for healing, so that is delaying healing also. If bone infections = can=20 stay for years, I am HOPING that maybe part of my worsening health has = been due=20 to the bone infection, and that when we get the infection cleared up, = maybe I=20 will feel better than I have in a long time! Maybe that has been the = source of=20 my face pain all these years, and maybe it will go away! Well I can = hope,=20 anyway. I was hoping to lose some weight from not eating, but no such = luck,=20 because again my body thinks its starving so it won't burn any fat or = calories.=20 I'm really really tired of this. I think that knowing that I can't get = medical=20 help has made the pain worse. When I knew that I could get help if it = got too=20 bad, the pain seemed easier to bear. I'll go to my family Dr. tomorrow = to see if=20 there's anything he can/will do that the specialist refused to = do.

Blessings, =

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 12:55=20 AM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The=20 Worst Days--when I'm out of spoons.

=20
I still have no idea how to make this blog = separate the=20 lines and the paragraphs and to start a new line. Even when I use "view = blog" to=20 see how it will look before I publish it onto the blog, it looks fine = there, but=20 not when it's published, so I guess what I will have to do to start a = new line=20 or paragraph is to change colors.

These letters between a friend and I = will=20 explain why I haven't blogged for a while.

Dear Bluebirdy of = Happiness./

How is the mouth. Im thinking about = you. Can't=20 seem to sleep tonight and hope this is not a preview of things to come. = I've=20 always slept well and don't wishto give this blessing up. I just found = out that=20 mybest friends grandaughter has return cancer for the second time in as = many=20 years and she is 27. It is just too hard sometimes,

Love, =C3=87./

Hi Sis;/ I guess we are both = struggling. I=20 don't want to get chastised publicly for my scary thinking, so I have = just=20 stayed silent. I am so sorry about your best friends granddaughter. = Cancer is a=20 plague, like the black plague, and I seem to hear about another victim = every few=20 days. I chose the name "bluebirdy" hoping it would help me become the = happy=20 person I was 10 years ago, but its a constant struggle. I have been in = such=20 horrible pain, not eating, not sleeping, even morphine not getting the = pain,=20 missing Canadian thanksgiving, unable to even visit Dad, for a long time = now. I=20 am getting enough liquids, though. I sleep about 3 to 5 hours a night = usually,=20 its been that way all my adult life, so I understand your insomnia. I = was so=20 miserable physically and emotionally this week, I kept thinking of = Rev. 9:6=20 "And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and = shall desire=20 to die, and death shall flee from them." / I can't help wondering = if it=20 would be harder to be with someone right now or easier. Been thinking = also that=20 if it is my time to go, maybe I failed in what I was sent here to do, so = I have=20 been making myself miserable with thoughts like that, beating myself up = with=20 worse things than I would say to my worst enemy. When you are in level = 10+ pain,=20 its almost impossible to think rationally and change your thinking. Even = Job in=20 the Bible only suffered 5 months. Lupus decided to start a riot in my = body=20 because of the trauma of oral surgery and the infection that went into = my=20 system, so I am as sick as if I had been poisoned. You are the only = person on=20 earth I have told this to so far, because I know you have like that when = severely ill too, in fact, just last week! To anyone else, I would be = seen as a=20 whining exaggerator...because they can't imagine a person can continue = to=20 survive pain that morphine doesn't take care of. / I'm SOOOO happy you = wrote. I=20 have felt especially alone, because if I can't write something good, I'd = rather=20 not write on my blog or to the group , so I just laid here suffering, My = voice=20 is gone so I couldn't even talk to my husband. He would come online but = I could=20 only see clearly for a few minutes, then I had to quit. Part of me = misses him so=20 much, but the other part of me knows I CAN NOT take on a man as helpless = as a=20 child in this new world. I've been bawling for days, like I'm having a = nervous=20 breakdown./ Ok enough, I'm sorry, but thanks for letting me vent. You = are so=20 dear to me. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Love, S=20 /

Hi Sheila,/ I'm writing immediately = because I do=20 understand although I'm not in any real pain, ( Well, my feet and my = head, but=20 I've gotten used to those). Somedays after chemo I feel so badly that I, = too,=20 think that I don't want to live like this, it passes though, even though = I=20 don't. I want your pain to stop, has it subsided? There are few things = worse=20 than mouth trauma. S, I think you SHOULD post your letters like this, = How are=20 our care givers to know that some days there are NO spoons at all and it = really=20 sucks. I love you. Thanks for calling me SIS as I am an only child. I = have=20 trouble sitting at the computer for long, soI'll close now. I'm good for = an=20 e-mail ANYTIME, GOOD OR BAD./

LOVE,C

Posted by Bluebirdy = at 3:18=20 PM 0=20 comments =20

Labels:=20 faith, fibromyalgia, lupus,=20 pain, prayer

Older=20 Posts

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) =

GREAT LINKS

My brother's natural healing = books=20
Invisible Illness = Website=20
Beliefnet--EVERY FAITH ON = EARTH -huge=20 site with endless fun and interesting items.=20
Rest Ministries-Chronic = Illness=20 Christian Support=20
What Mormons and Muslims = have in=20 Common

=

Favorite Songs (To stop music, press " || " button top = left of=20 music box.)

=20

=

OTHER BLOGS I VISIT

Lupus & Humor = 1=20
Lupus & Humor = 2=20
Christian Lupus = Support=20
Living fully as a = woman,=20 despite chronic illness-CHRONIC CHICK=20
Corey,Tina = and=20 Boys=20
Lupus Foundation of = America=20

=

Invisible Illness-the silent war people fight.

DID YOU KNOW:
+ Nearly 1 in 2 = Americans live=20 with a chronic condition?
+ 96% of illness is invisible?
+ 75% of=20 marriages end in divorce when illness is present?
+ 79% of suicides = have=20 uncontrollable physical pain as a factor? My illness is invisible. But = the pain=20 is real. Join me in supporting National Invisible Chronic Illness = Awareness.=20 Care enough to be Informed. Little things DO make a difference.
(see = great=20 links a bit lower on this page).

BE KIND TO OTHERS. EVERYONE IS=20 STRUGGLING AND HURTING, MAYBE EVEN OVERWHELMED, JUST AS YOU = ARE.

=

About Me

=20

Bluebirdy=20
Trying to bear more stress than any = human should.=20 I am middle aged, remarried (but husband not able to immigrate yet, = may not=20 get here in time), living with terminally ill mother, father, brother, = I am=20 terminally ill also, so we wonder each day who will go first. In mid = July 2007=20 I was told I may have less than a year to live. I plan to rebel and = start a=20 whole new life TO ENJOY AND LEARN AND DO AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE in this = short=20 SCHOOL called "life". Despite trying to find agencies to help or hire = people=20 to help, we are all still alone and suffering alone, unable to care = for each=20 other or ourselves. I have been away from my beautiful children and=20 grandchildren since the divorce 10 years ago. The pain and weakness = and amount=20 of things I need help with are overwhelming. I am a very spiritual = Christian=20 with great faith. I love studying all religions & cultures. =
View my = complete=20 profile=20
=

YOU TUBE VIDEOS WORTH SEEING

Invisible = Illness=20
Living = With=20 Fibromyalgia=20
Someone = you know has=20 lupus=20
THIS is = Lupus=20
Faces of = Lupus=20

=

Books I want to read/Videos I want to see

Viktor Frankl: a Life Worth Living=20
Wish list of hundreds of books at Amazon.com. not enough time in = life to=20 read all that I want.=20
Video-What the Bleep=20
The Writings of Camilla Eyring Kimball

=

counter

Free=20 Counter

=

Blog Archive

=E2=96=BC 2008=20 (12)=20

=E2=96=BC Febr= uary=20 (5)=20

Chronic=20 Pain Alters Brain Activity=20
More=20 laws against the Obese???=20
Illness=20 As A Calling Or Mission=20
Why=20 U.S. doctors won't cure anyone=20
RESPONSES=20 TO NY TIMES FIBRO NEWS ARTICLE

=E2=96=BA Janu= ary=20 (7)=20

UK=20 Doctors Say Don't Treat Old Or Unhealthy=20
NEW=20 HOPE IN LUPUS RESEARCH FOUND=20
One=20 Purpose For Illness=20
BRAIN=20 SCANS--PROOF OF REAL DISEASE IN FIBROMYALGIA...=20
Please=20 help change people's opinion of Fibro!=20
WE=20 GOT ANOTHER MIRACLE!!!=20
Like=20 A Lamb To The Slaughter?

=E2=96=BA 2007=20 (76)=20

=E2=96=BA Dece= mber=20 (10)=20

Drama,=20 Drama, Always More Drama!=20
PEOPLE=20 CAN BE VERY GOOD!=20
Dear=20 Second Family=20
The=20 WHY of my Miracle, and I learned something els...=20
WARNING-=20 (Could apply to any invisible illness)=20
TEN = ANGELS=20
Laughing=20 at Chronic Illness=20
I=20 thought my heart problem was cured, but...=20
Interesting=20 Experience since Funeral=20
One=20 reason why the Elderly must suffer.

=E2=96=BA Nove= mber=20 (20)=20

Memorial/Funeral=20 tomorrow=20
FREE=20 CHRISTMAS GIFT TAGS!!!=20
Spirits=20 coming and going=20
Interesting=20 Horoscope=20
Both=20 parents in hospital=20
Long=20 Day, half sad, half great!=20
BEST=20 MORNING YET!=20
5th=20 day of my miracle SO MUCH TO TELL!=20
PRAYER=20 FOR GUIDANCE AND PROTECTION TO THOSE I LOVE...=20
BIG= =20 MIRACLE!=20
REMEMBRANCE=20 DAY IN CANADA=20
Dear=20 Father, help me=20
Planning=20 A Whole New Life=20
Reply=20 to previous blog and explanation of new unbe...=20
Small=20 Idea of My Husband's World=20
Quie= t=20 Time=20
Set=20 Clocks Back tonight...=20
EXTENDING=20 MY LIFE EXPECTANCY=20
Future=20 of Hope to Heal All Our Diseases Ourselves!...=20
Opposition=20 In All Things

=E2=96=BA Octo= ber=20 (21)=20

Husband=20 is in danger, prayers appreciated!=20
= A=20 BIT ABOUT LOVE=20
Wo= rry/anxiety=20
TEN=20 GUIDELINES FROM GOD=20
Today=20 was like a gift!!!=20
When=20 you want to speed up heaven. (and more great ...=20
= Bone=20 Infection=20
The=20 Worst Days--when I'm out of spoons.

=E2=96=BA Sept= ember=20 (14)

=E2=96=BA Augu= st=20 (11) =

=

Living -- 4 Hours At A Time! (Terminally ill - follow = my=20 journey...to LIVE!)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Chronic=20 Pain Alters Brain Activity

More=20 laws against the Obese???

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Illness=20 As A Calling Or Mission

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Why=20 U.S. doctors won't cure anyone

Saturday, February 2, 2008

RESPONSES=20 TO NY TIMES FIBRO NEWS ARTICLE

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

UK=20 Doctors Say Don't Treat Old Or Unhealthy

Thursday, January 24, 2008

NEW=20 HOPE IN LUPUS RESEARCH FOUND

Monday, January 21, 2008

One=20 Purpose For Illness

Friday, January 18, 2008

BRAIN=20 SCANS--PROOF OF REAL DISEASE IN FIBROMYALGIA AND CFS (CHRONIC FATIGUE=20 SYNDROME)

Please=20 help change people's opinion of Fibro!

Media = Alert =20

Thursday, January 10, 2008

WE=20 GOT ANOTHER MIRACLE!!!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Like=20 A Lamb To The Slaughter?

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Drama,=20 Drama, Always More Drama!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

PEOPLE=20 CAN BE VERY GOOD!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Dear=20 Second Family

Friday, December 14, 2007

The=20 WHY of my Miracle, and I learned something else.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

WARNING-=20 (Could apply to any invisible illness)

TEN = ANGELS

Laughing=20 at Chronic Illness

I=20 thought my heart problem was cured, but...

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Interesting=20 Experience since Funeral

Sunday, December 2, 2007

One=20 reason why the Elderly must suffer.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Memorial/Funeral=20 tomorrow

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

FREE=20 CHRISTMAS GIFT TAGS!!!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Spirits=20 coming and going

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Interesting=20 Horoscope

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Both=20 parents in hospital

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Long=20 Day, half sad, half great!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

BEST=20 MORNING YET!

Friday, November 16, 2007

5th=20 day of my miracle SO MUCH TO TELL!

Monday, November 12, 2007

PRAYER=20 FOR GUIDANCE AND PROTECTION TO THOSE I LOVE

BIG= =20 MIRACLE!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

REMEMBRANCE=20 DAY IN CANADA

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Dear=20 Father, help me

Planning=20 A Whole New Life

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Reply=20 to previous blog and explanation of new unbearable pain

Small=20 Idea of My Husband's World

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Quie= t=20 Time

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Set=20 Clocks Back tonight...

Friday, November 2, 2007

EXTENDING=20 MY LIFE EXPECTANCY

Future=20 of Hope to Heal All Our Diseases Ourselves!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Opposition=20 In All Things

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Husband=20 is in danger, prayers appreciated!

Sunday, October 21, 2007